AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good luckAyesha123 wrote:
Hello there! This is my first attempt and I've just started to prepare for GMAT. An evaluation of my essay would be much appreciated.
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
The argument claims that on the 25th birthday of Olympics Foods, we will be able to minimize costs and in return maximize profits. The conclusion of the argument is based on the premise that as time passes by the costs of processing go down because organizations learn how to do things better and become more efficient. The conclusion of the argument relies on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that with time the costs of processing go down by sharing the example of a color film which fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. With this data, we can also conclude that a five-day service in 1984 could also cost 100 cents. This way it will be all the more expensive.
Second, the argument could have been much clearer if there was a mention of by what percentage the price for various sectors increase or decrease as films with respect to food are two different sectors and costs differ with time, in fact, the costs for food has been rising with each year passing taking in consideration the inflation factor as well. The cost for a camera back in the day was much higher taking the currency value of that time compared to what the value for the camera is now, with today’s value. In fact, it is not at all clear and in turn a poor analogy of comparing film processing example with the cost of food processing.
Finally, the argument fails to mention one of the key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated, which is the profits that can come with minimizing costs for Olympic Foods. However, factors such as competition, price of the raw materials, and consumer demands have been excluded.
In summary, this argument is unconvincing and flawed due to the above-mentioned reasons. It could have been considerably strengthened had the supporting and essential information been present, in the absence of which the argument remains open for debate.