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15 Aug 2023, 05:48
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Can I get your help assessing my AWA below?
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen
foods:
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
The argument concludes that Olympic Foods can expect to minimize costs and thus maximize profits as it soon celebrates its 25th birthday. The argument relies on a comparison with the color film processing industry where the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. It then states that this same principle applies to food processing and will yield similar results. The argument is weak and unsubstantiated as it relies on leaps of faith in its argumentation, distorts facts in its comparisons and relies on baseless assumptions to arrive at its conclusion.
First, the argument claims that over time organizations will learn how to become more efficient. This is flawed because there is a lack of substantiation on how this kind of phenomenon occurs. In the example provided in the color film processing, the argument states that in 14 years there was a reduction in prices without explaining cause and effect. The argument should have considered what were the factors that lead to better learning opportunities for greater efficiency. For example, companies such as Samsung have learned how to make their phones more efficiently and created a diverse line of budget phones because they identified key challenges across the supply chain, procurement, design, and manufacturing. As Samsung gained more experience and knowledge from its previous operations, it applied these lessons at scale, enabling the company to see greater efficiencies.
Second, the argument assumes that the color film processing industry is comparable to the food processing industry. It does not consider that these industries are different and fails to provide a rationale why these are an “apples to apples” comparison. The argument could have been made stronger had it considered providing points why these industries are comparable across important areas related to efficiency such as processes, and technology.
Third, the argument relies on the premise that long experience will suddenly enable cost minimization for Olympic Foods. It fails to consider the possibility that there are other issues that are stopping the company from properly minimizing its costs. In these types of arguments, it is important that the author’s provide the causal link between the issues that they are facing and the solutions. To strengthen the argument, the author should consider mentioning the challenges facing Olympic Foods and explain what the key steps are to fixing them. For example, issues with the ROG Ally were revealed to be software related as the device was not properly optimized for the types of games it would play. This negatively impacted early reviews leading to less than stellar initial sales until updates and other improvements were made. In this case, the ROG Ally identified the problem with their device and took proper steps to address them in order to turnaround user impressions on the device.
Overall, the argument is flawed because it relies on poorly constructed comparisons, fails to establish cause and effect, and relies on leaps of logic from its premises to reach its conclusion. The argument could have been stronger if it had considered providing more substantiation and establishing these crucial logical steps to solidify its conclusion. However, at its current state, the argument does not strongly support its conclusion.
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen
foods:
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
The argument concludes that Olympic Foods can expect to minimize costs and thus maximize profits as it soon celebrates its 25th birthday. The argument relies on a comparison with the color film processing industry where the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. It then states that this same principle applies to food processing and will yield similar results. The argument is weak and unsubstantiated as it relies on leaps of faith in its argumentation, distorts facts in its comparisons and relies on baseless assumptions to arrive at its conclusion.
First, the argument claims that over time organizations will learn how to become more efficient. This is flawed because there is a lack of substantiation on how this kind of phenomenon occurs. In the example provided in the color film processing, the argument states that in 14 years there was a reduction in prices without explaining cause and effect. The argument should have considered what were the factors that lead to better learning opportunities for greater efficiency. For example, companies such as Samsung have learned how to make their phones more efficiently and created a diverse line of budget phones because they identified key challenges across the supply chain, procurement, design, and manufacturing. As Samsung gained more experience and knowledge from its previous operations, it applied these lessons at scale, enabling the company to see greater efficiencies.
Second, the argument assumes that the color film processing industry is comparable to the food processing industry. It does not consider that these industries are different and fails to provide a rationale why these are an “apples to apples” comparison. The argument could have been made stronger had it considered providing points why these industries are comparable across important areas related to efficiency such as processes, and technology.
Third, the argument relies on the premise that long experience will suddenly enable cost minimization for Olympic Foods. It fails to consider the possibility that there are other issues that are stopping the company from properly minimizing its costs. In these types of arguments, it is important that the author’s provide the causal link between the issues that they are facing and the solutions. To strengthen the argument, the author should consider mentioning the challenges facing Olympic Foods and explain what the key steps are to fixing them. For example, issues with the ROG Ally were revealed to be software related as the device was not properly optimized for the types of games it would play. This negatively impacted early reviews leading to less than stellar initial sales until updates and other improvements were made. In this case, the ROG Ally identified the problem with their device and took proper steps to address them in order to turnaround user impressions on the device.
Overall, the argument is flawed because it relies on poorly constructed comparisons, fails to establish cause and effect, and relies on leaps of logic from its premises to reach its conclusion. The argument could have been stronger if it had considered providing more substantiation and establishing these crucial logical steps to solidify its conclusion. However, at its current state, the argument does not strongly support its conclusion.
16 Aug 2023, 12:28
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AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and connectivity, with clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. The writer effectively addresses various aspects of the argument's reasoning and provides a logical flow to their analysis. However, there are a few instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened for smoother readability.
Word Structure: 5.5
The word structure is generally sound, with appropriate vocabulary and sentence structures. There are a few sentences that could be rephrased for improved clarity and conciseness. The essay effectively conveys the writer's ideas but could benefit from some refinement in word choice.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 6
The essay is well-structured, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. The writer effectively uses paragraph breaks to organize their analysis.
Language and Grammar: 5.5
The essay displays a strong grasp of language and grammar, with only a few minor errors. There are instances where sentence structures could be refined for greater clarity. Overall, the language usage enhances the essay's readability and comprehension.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and effectively conveys the writer's points. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the expression of ideas and arguments.
Overall, the essay provides a thoughtful and well-structured analysis of the given argument's weaknesses and flaws. The writer effectively identifies questionable assumptions, logical leaps, and unsubstantiated comparisons within the argument. To further improve the essay, the writer could focus on refining sentence structures, enhancing vocabulary usage, and ensuring even stronger connections between ideas.
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and connectivity, with clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. The writer effectively addresses various aspects of the argument's reasoning and provides a logical flow to their analysis. However, there are a few instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened for smoother readability.
Word Structure: 5.5
The word structure is generally sound, with appropriate vocabulary and sentence structures. There are a few sentences that could be rephrased for improved clarity and conciseness. The essay effectively conveys the writer's ideas but could benefit from some refinement in word choice.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 6
The essay is well-structured, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. The writer effectively uses paragraph breaks to organize their analysis.
Language and Grammar: 5.5
The essay displays a strong grasp of language and grammar, with only a few minor errors. There are instances where sentence structures could be refined for greater clarity. Overall, the language usage enhances the essay's readability and comprehension.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and effectively conveys the writer's points. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the expression of ideas and arguments.
Overall, the essay provides a thoughtful and well-structured analysis of the given argument's weaknesses and flaws. The writer effectively identifies questionable assumptions, logical leaps, and unsubstantiated comparisons within the argument. To further improve the essay, the writer could focus on refining sentence structures, enhancing vocabulary usage, and ensuring even stronger connections between ideas.
AurelianInvictus
17 Aug 2023, 21:44
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Thank you Sajjad1994 ! Really appreciate your assessment. Any specific examples that you could share on improving the essay further?
