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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
Please rate my essay, I have exam in a week. Thanks GMATNinja JoshKnewton KapTeacherEli


The following appeared in a speech delivered by a member of the city council:
“Twenty years ago, only half of the students who graduated from Einstein High School went on to attend a college or
university. Today, two–thirds of the students who graduate from Einstein do so. Clearly, Einstein has improved its
educational effectiveness over the past two decades. This improvement has occurred despite the fact that the
school’s funding, when adjusted for inflation, is about the same as it was 20 years ago. Therefore, we do not need to
make any substantial increase in the school’s funding at this time.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument claims that Einstein High School does not need to make any substantial increase in the school`s funding since it has improved its educational effectiveness over the last 20 years with relatively same amount of funding. The conclusion of the argument is based on the premise that the proportion of Einstein High Schools graduates, who went on to attend college or university increased over the past 2 decades. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that funding is the only factor affecting the educational effectiveness and fails to mention other factors, which could change the decision of graduates about their after graduation plans. Students might be forced to pursue higher education because of the later trends in labor market or job requirements.
Second, the argument could have been much clearer if the author provided information on the recent changes of some other high schools. There might be a general factor, which affects the plans of all students nationwide. In fact, it is not at all clear whether Einstein High School is the only school experiencing this situation.
Finally, the argument fails to mention data on the basis of which it could be evaluated, namely the number of graduates today and 20 years ago. If the number of students decreased significantly over the period, then the funding per student increased. This change may lead improvements in the educational effectiveness.
In conclusion, without this information the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
Can someone please share a template for essays where you actually agree with what the author is trying to argue about?
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
Quote:
Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.


Is it just me or Anyone else finds parallelism issue in this line???

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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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CircuitBHAI wrote:
Quote:
Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.


Is it just me or Anyone else finds parallelism issue in this line???

generis GMATNinja


Good catch but not critical on AWA. You can be grammatical and perfect but it hardly matters in a 20-min essay. You can say "flawed" sure. There you go :lol:
But hardly worth the bits it is written on. Don't worry about being parallel. You have bigger things to flush out
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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I sat for the in-person GMAT last Saturday. Looked at your template and your written example the week leading up to my exam. Ended up at a 6.0. Amazing template and it still holds up 13 years since the OP.

Perhaps it did help that my prompt was relatively longer than some of the other prompts I saw listed on the MBA website. More info to dissect and write about. Either way thanks so much chineseburned.
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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finnlark wrote:
I sat for the in-person GMAT last Saturday. Looked at your template and your written example the week leading up to my exam. Ended up at a 6.0. Amazing template and it still holds up 13 years since the OP.

Perhaps it did help that my prompt was relatively longer than some of the other prompts I saw listed on the MBA website. More info to dissect and write about. Either way thanks so much chineseburned.



Thanks for the feedback from the test center! AWA has not changed in many years! (Used to be 2 essays a long time ago and now it is just 1 but still the same concept and same grading).

But yes, this post is legendary!

Hope you got a great score!
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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First GMAT exam tomorrow- haven't spent time on AWA yet, therefore my question:

Is a test taker allowed to use this template word by word or would that be viewed as plagiarizm?
Has anyone used this template with the exact same wording and could share their experience?

Is there any form of plagiarizm check on the GMAT when it comes to the AWA section?

Thank you
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
This is very helpful for folks new to GMAT. Thanks! Cheers!
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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I had completely forgotten that the enhanced version also had the essay. It was the night before the exam that I came across this thread in a fit of panic. I very roughly looked at the overall structure, and I am glad to report I scored a perfect 6.0 on the AWA. Thank you so much

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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
Thank you, I got 5.0 on AWA.

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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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st19931219 wrote:
I had completely forgotten that the enhanced version also had the essay. It was the night before the exam that I came across this thread in a fit of panic. I very roughly looked at the overall structure, and I am glad to report I scored a perfect 6.0 on the AWA. Thank you so much

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Wow. Awesome.
PS. It really does just take a day 😎👍❤️
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
Could using this template word-for-word cause any plagiarism/cheating issues?
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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JB05 wrote:
Could using this template word-for-word cause any plagiarism/cheating issues?



I am sure many have used it almost to that extent and it has not caused any issues. I don’t think it’s checked for similarity to other essays since are you are given a choice of a random essay.

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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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bb wrote:
JB05 wrote:
Could using this template word-for-word cause any plagiarism/cheating issues?



I am sure many have used it almost to that extent and it has not caused any issues. I don’t think it’s checked for similarity to other essays since are you are given a choice of a random essay.

Posted from my mobile device


I can personally attest to the efficacy of the template. :)
I used it in both of my attempts to score a 6.0.

Also, since the prompts are so diverse, it's unlikely that what you write on test-day would match some other test taker's essay. The essays wouldn't probably match if you were to write from the same prompt again on another day.
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
Thanks for the post.
Here, I have applied your structure to the essay.
Appreciate any feedback and comments.

The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject matter and contents are appropriate. This electronic game rating system is not working because it is self-regulated and the fines for violating the rating system are nominal. As a result, an independent body should oversee the game industry and companies that knowingly violate the rating system should be prohibited from releasing a game for two years."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.


The argument claims that the rating system for electronic games is an unreliable measure as it is self-regulated and the punishment for wrongful doing is unsubstantiated. The author asked for an independent body to oversee the industry, specifically its rating system, and implement a heavier punishment in case of any wrongdoing. Stated in this way, the argument doesn’t clearly demonstrate enough evidence for the claim and doesn’t clearly elaborate on the terminology of self-regulation. For these reasons, the conclusion of the argument is rather weak and unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument doesn’t clarify the definition of self-regulation, making it hard to know which case would be defined as self-regulated and which would not. To illustrate this, there is a significant difference between 5% fake rating and 90% fake rating. Thus, if it was well-defined in the argument, it would be clear to settle what % of fake rating would account for the wrongdoing and should be regulated and punished.

Second, the argument readily assumes that the rating system is self-regulated without any evidence to support the case. Given the open nature of the rating system where anyone is allowed to feedback. Customers can rate only after they have purchased or used the product. The rating, then, averages the total result of all the people who have tried the product. Clearly, given a small group of users, the rating for a certain game might seem skewed or regulated toward a certain result but as the number of users increases, the rating should shift toward public opinion. The argument could have been more well-supported if it explicitly illustrates a generic case where the system is being subjectively regulated.

Finally, without a clearly defined concentration of what constitutes self-regulated rating, how could any independent regulators validate the suit for or against the claim? If the fake rating doesn’t account much for the overall rating, it wouldn’t affect the total rating as much and wouldn’t be as much detrimental to the product to deserve one standard punishment. With a lack of evidence to support the claim, wouldn’t a severe punishment prohibit game release for 2 years unnecessarily hurt the gaming industry as a whole? Therefore, without, convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is not well-defined and not well-supported rather a logically sound one.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above reasons and, therefore, unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of a proposal, the situation should be well-defined and supported by a number of relevant pieces of evidence. If not, the argument remains unsubstantiated and will be open to controversy.


Thanks in advance
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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There are two free e-checkers that I regularly use to evaluate my AWAs. They don't use the official GMAT algorithm, but they're good enough.
https://www.mbacrystalball.com/blog/2012/12/24/gmat-awa-sample-essays-testing/
https://www.gmatawa.com/

viphaneev wrote:
Thanks for the post.
Here, I have applied your structure to the essay.
Appreciate any feedback and comments.

The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject matter and contents are appropriate. This electronic game rating system is not working because it is self-regulated and the fines for violating the rating system are nominal. As a result, an independent body should oversee the game industry and companies that knowingly violate the rating system should be prohibited from releasing a game for two years."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.


The argument claims that the rating system for electronic games is an unreliable measure as it is self-regulated and the punishment for wrongful doing is unsubstantiated. The author asked for an independent body to oversee the industry, specifically its rating system, and implement a heavier punishment in case of any wrongdoing. Stated in this way, the argument doesn’t clearly demonstrate enough evidence for the claim and doesn’t clearly elaborate on the terminology of self-regulation. For these reasons, the conclusion of the argument is rather weak and unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument doesn’t clarify the definition of self-regulation, making it hard to know which case would be defined as self-regulated and which would not. To illustrate this, there is a significant difference between 5% fake rating and 90% fake rating. Thus, if it was well-defined in the argument, it would be clear to settle what % of fake rating would account for the wrongdoing and should be regulated and punished.

Second, the argument readily assumes that the rating system is self-regulated without any evidence to support the case. Given the open nature of the rating system where anyone is allowed to feedback. Customers can rate only after they have purchased or used the product. The rating, then, averages the total result of all the people who have tried the product. Clearly, given a small group of users, the rating for a certain game might seem skewed or regulated toward a certain result but as the number of users increases, the rating should shift toward public opinion. The argument could have been more well-supported if it explicitly illustrates a generic case where the system is being subjectively regulated.

Finally, without a clearly defined concentration of what constitutes self-regulated rating, how could any independent regulators validate the suit for or against the claim? If the fake rating doesn’t account much for the overall rating, it wouldn’t affect the total rating as much and wouldn’t be as much detrimental to the product to deserve one standard punishment. With a lack of evidence to support the claim, wouldn’t a severe punishment prohibit game release for 2 years unnecessarily hurt the gaming industry as a whole? Therefore, without, convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is not well-defined and not well-supported rather a logically sound one.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above reasons and, therefore, unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of a proposal, the situation should be well-defined and supported by a number of relevant pieces of evidence. If not, the argument remains unsubstantiated and will be open to controversy.


Thanks in advance
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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Thank you
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Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu [#permalink]
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