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06 Dec 2015, 05:58
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ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in an article in a medical journal:
"The major increase in new cases of adult-onset diabetes during the past decade is the result of poor nutrition, which is itself the result of a lack of government control over the quality of foods available at low prices. If the government placed more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their products, the rate of adult-onset diabetes would be reduced significantly."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound
As per the author, owing to poor nutriton in low priced foods there is a surge in new cases of adult diabetes in the past decade. In order to prevent this upsurge, government should place more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their product.
The aforesaid statement is flawed in various ways; such as there is no basis of conclusion that poor nutrition is major cause of diabetes because author is primarily focussing on the past decade and in abscence of further information we may safely assume that before past decade also there were no government regulations, then why there was not an upsurge before. Had he quoted any medical journal or experiment, we would have got better insight as to how poor nutrition is leading to diabetes.Author has also not considered to explore other causes of diabetes such as lifestyle issues, stress, genetics etc.
The author is specifically mentioning about quality of foods available at low prices. Does this mean that high priced food are rich in nutrition which seems obnoxious because food pricing depends on rarity, taste and origin of cuisine. Nutrition is not a major factor while pricing food. Raw vegetables and fruits are not high priced but abundant in nutrition.
Also, supposedly the rich who do not eat low priced food. are they suffering from diabetes? If yes, then author's insistance to control nutrition in low price food seems baseless.
The government does play a role in imposing food regulations but largely the market is governed by consumers. The customer's awareness and demand would play a pivitol role to induce manufacturers and farmers to include more vitamins and minerals in their food.
Overall author has not been able to substantiate why poor nutrition is a major cause, what could be other causes, Why only low priced foods be regulated and why only government needs to moderate. Had author answered all these, it would have been a more logical and lucid argument
The following appeared in an article in a medical journal:
"The major increase in new cases of adult-onset diabetes during the past decade is the result of poor nutrition, which is itself the result of a lack of government control over the quality of foods available at low prices. If the government placed more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their products, the rate of adult-onset diabetes would be reduced significantly."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound
As per the author, owing to poor nutriton in low priced foods there is a surge in new cases of adult diabetes in the past decade. In order to prevent this upsurge, government should place more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their product.
The aforesaid statement is flawed in various ways; such as there is no basis of conclusion that poor nutrition is major cause of diabetes because author is primarily focussing on the past decade and in abscence of further information we may safely assume that before past decade also there were no government regulations, then why there was not an upsurge before. Had he quoted any medical journal or experiment, we would have got better insight as to how poor nutrition is leading to diabetes.Author has also not considered to explore other causes of diabetes such as lifestyle issues, stress, genetics etc.
The author is specifically mentioning about quality of foods available at low prices. Does this mean that high priced food are rich in nutrition which seems obnoxious because food pricing depends on rarity, taste and origin of cuisine. Nutrition is not a major factor while pricing food. Raw vegetables and fruits are not high priced but abundant in nutrition.
Also, supposedly the rich who do not eat low priced food. are they suffering from diabetes? If yes, then author's insistance to control nutrition in low price food seems baseless.
The government does play a role in imposing food regulations but largely the market is governed by consumers. The customer's awareness and demand would play a pivitol role to induce manufacturers and farmers to include more vitamins and minerals in their food.
Overall author has not been able to substantiate why poor nutrition is a major cause, what could be other causes, Why only low priced foods be regulated and why only government needs to moderate. Had author answered all these, it would have been a more logical and lucid argument
06 Dec 2015, 08:09
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Richa07
Richa07
I have edited your response for the mistakes.
Your vocabulary is good, but you can construct the sentences in a much better way. Keep the sentences simple, don't make the sentences too long.
Your reasoning is also good. However, you can further describe the points you have mentioned. ( Food habits, fitness, genetics,etc., which you have already mentioned.)
A real time scenario/example always helps. For example what i would have mentioned -
Mc Donalds is a famous world wide brand known for delicious fast food. It is evident that that fast food is not good for health and the government has also taken measures to reach out to people regarding the ill effects of fast food. Yet, people buy fast food, may be because of the taste ( you have mentioned a point on taste of cuisine), or the quickness of availability.
Think on similar lines..You can find many such examples and you can edit the example accordingly. ( there are many similar brands which are known world wide, such as KFC, Subway, take your pick. It all depends on how you put up your example.)
As for the structure, you can read a few more AWAs or a few other templates.
how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html#p470475
Hope this post helps you!! Let me know through the kudos button
