Quote:
This report argues that costs of processing go down over time as organizations learn to do things better, by increasing efficiency and therefore maximizing profits. However, the passage does not include some critical points that would buttress its argument. Also, the choice of supporting evidence only partially supports the conclusion of the report.
Some key information that would dramatically improve the argument would be if the author addressed what were the specific factors that were drivers of efficiency. Time, in and of itself, does not improve efficiency. Are the organizations improving internal processes to maximize profits? Are their suppliers reducing prices as globalization increases and goods become less expensive to ship overseas? Time itself does not lower costs, so without getting into the details, we cannot arrive at the conclusion that the author wants us to.
In regards to the example cited in the report, the reduction in prices of color film processing, the author fails to account for significant technological developments during the time period in question. The era from 1970 to 1984 saw significant increase in automation and also a reduction in tariffs against imports. Both of these factors would have reduced costs for a business, one by reducing labor costs, the other by reducing tax expenses. But the rate of reduction in tariffs and the rate of increase in automation are not constant; they vary over time. The report needs to address the events that occurred in the past 25 years that would drive increased efficiency. These counter examples show that the author’s choice of example does not adequately analyze the market in terms that are useful to Olympic Foods.
Evidence that would strengthen the argument in the report would be specific to the food industry, and also include information that identifies trends in supply chain costs. Detailing the amount of automation that the food industry has seen, to include Olympic Foods itself in relation to competitors, will greatly improve the argument the author puts forth.
Without the above-stated information, this argument is weak and unpersuasive. While the overall conclusion likely has merit, there is not adequate supporting evidence to make it a convincing claim. Time itself is not a driver of increased efficiency, the events that come along with the passage of time are what drive efficiency. These factors need to be specifically addressed. Once specific case studies and their similarities to Olympic Foods are included, this argument can hold more weight.
Review
What is your claim or main 1.idea? State it explicitly
State the claim with a pithy introductory question such as ‘’Does experience help a company every time?
Show how your argument is different from the case in point.
Show counter argument by saying what would happen in the absence.
Use transition words at least once in a paragraph. Such as, above all, significantly, accordingly, consequently, rarely, frequently, therefore, thus, additionally, again, not only but also, not just - , but also, besides, although, albeit, nevertheless, none the less. In spite of despite, undoubtedly; - In the event of, for fear of, in sum, arresting, catchy, emphatic, compelling,
Flamboyant, splashy, gaudy,
in the middle, further to, in the distance from, before in the foreground, sooner or later, until, meanwhile, up to the present time, till further, to begin with, in due time, then first, second, until now, in time, as soon as, prior to, as long as, forthwith, in the meantime, in a moment, without delay, about by the time, in the first place, all of a sudden,at this instant, that immediately, instantly, quickly, suddenly, presently, finally, shortly, occasionally
after all, overall, generally speaking, in the final analysis, in summary, all things considered, by and large, as shown above, in short, to sum up, in the long run, in brief, on the whole, in essence in any event, in a word, on balance, all in all, l for the most
after all, overall, generally speaking, in the final analysis, in summary, all things considered, by and large, as shown above, in short, to sum up, in the long run, in brief, on the whole, in essence in any event, in a word, on balance, all in all, for the most
Use survey results, study reports, personal stories to illustrate your counter-argument. Cite authors and give credit. Prove your understanding.
The finale could be touchy, philosophical, categorical, conciliatory, or accommodative but not surrendering.
Review
Length -- Just 416 words. could be another 100 more words.
The template essay is adequate for a 5/6 review.