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please rate my argument essay

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Intern
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Joined: 17 Mar 2019
Posts: 5
please rate my argument essay  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Mar 2019, 14:55
Topic :One year ago we introduced our first product,Bargain Brand; breakfast cereal. Our very low
prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the
companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us by lowering their prices,
and although several plan to introduce their own budget brands, not once have we needed to raise
our prices to continue making a profit. Given our success selling cereal, Bargain Brand should
now expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly as
possible.

So in the given set of lines the author discusses about a company’s best-selling product, Bargain Brand, and also further dwells onto the future plans of the company. In the process of doing this, the author states certain things without backing up with proper proof and statistics which makes the whole claim of his/her rather questionable.

Firstly, the author claims that the low price of Bargain Brand was the main reason why many customers drew away from the top-selling cereal companies. Here the author fails to provide any survey of the said customers that cite the price of Bargain Brand being the sole reason that drew them away from the top-selling companies. Also the author fails to provide any statistics that back his claim of customers quickly turning to Bargain Brand as soon as it was introduced in the market.

Secondly, the author goes onto state that the top-brand companies tried to compete with Bargain Brand by reducing their product prices. Here the author falls short of his claim by failing to show any statistical proof or numbers regarding such actions or policies being adopted by the competitor. Also the author fails to provide any proof that company behind Bargain Brand hasn’t hiked the product price during the entirety of it being on the market.

Lastly the author concludes by proposing to expand the company’s business by introducing other similarly priced food products in the market. Here the author assumes that the business model behind Bargain Brand will work for all other products that the company is going to market in the future.

Having stated all the loopholes in the author’s claim about the Bargain Brand, I would like to conclude by stating that the author here seems too assumptious while stating out the success of Bargain Brand’s business model, though there maybe truth in whatever is being claimed but there needs to be enough statistical and survey proof that provides transparency and trust between the consumer and the company in question.
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Joined: 15 Jan 2018
Posts: 227
Location: India
Concentration: General Management, Finance
GMAT 1: 720 Q50 V37
WE: Information Technology (Computer Software)
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Re: please rate my argument essay  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Mar 2019, 23:37
1
You are definitely improving; however, you should choose structurally keywords more diligently. For instance, you started the first paragraph with "So", a construction that is both grammatically and stylistically incorrect in your case. Here's a correct version: The author of the argument discusses a company’s best-selling product, Bargain Brand, and further dwells onto the future plans of the company. Coming to scoring your essay, I would say you can expect a modest score between 4 and 5, given that you still have several grammar errors. Honestly, a slight improvement will guarantee a 5.5-6 on the actual exam. All the best, Mustafa.
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Re: please rate my argument essay   [#permalink] 20 Mar 2019, 23:37
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