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Please (!) rate my AWA

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Joined: 28 Jul 2018
Posts: 9
Please (!) rate my AWA  [#permalink]

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New post 07 Jan 2019, 10:00
Hello guys! Please rate my AWA. I am only aiming for a 4 point score. Please just read through it quickly and give som short comments, just give 10 minutes of your time! :) I would really really appreciate it. It's not the best AWA but hopefully it's okay.

“Studies suggest that an average coffee drinker’s consumption of coffee increases with age, from age 10 through age 60. Even after age 60, coffee consumption remains high. The average cola drinker’s consumption of cola, however, declines with increasing age. Both of these trends have remained stable for the past 40 years. Given that the number of older adults will significantly increase as the population ages over the next 20 years, it follows that the demand for coffee will increase and the demand for cola will decrease during this period. We should, therefore, consider transferring our investments from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffee.”

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"The author discusses how the demands for coffee and cola depend on the changes in demography. Since coffee consumption increases with age and cola consumption decreases with age the author implies that an elderly population should make investments in Cola Loca more lucrative than investments in Early Bird Coffee. There are several flaws in this mentioned argument that need to be adressed in order to make a good investment decision.

Firstly, the consumption of a typical drink does not necessarily have a perfect causation with the profit of the companies that produce the drink. Hence, the best investments might not be in coffee companies. Other variables need to be considered, for instance how the market is at that time, where the companies operates, and the laws and circumstances in different markets.

Secondly, there is nothing that indicates that the specific companies mentioned should be the author’s decisions. For instance, Cola Loca might be a successful company, while Early Bird Coffee is a bad one. Furthermore, there is no information of how Cola Loca and Early Bird Coffee business models are and what they choose to invest in. Maybe Cola Loca invests in coffee production, something that would contradict the author’s conclusion.

Lastly, the author’s argument depends on that the consumption is constantly linked to the demography. There might be plenty of other explanations why people choose to consume the different beverages, something that of course can change in the future. For instance, maybe there is a stronger correlation between consumption and social considerations. The reason why older people consume more coffee than cola might be because older people see cola as a drink for children, hence something that would effect the way people perceive them. Of course, there can be a healthy aspect involved as well. For instance, cola might be more unhealthy than coffee. If these trends changes, then maybe the changes in demography will not have the impact that the author’s conclusion depends on.

To summarise, there are several flaws in the author’s argument. There might be other things that cause the profit than just the consumption of the product. Also, the particular companies mentioned in the argument might not represent the market as a whole. Furthermore, how people see these beverages might change in the future. Maybe the way consumers see coffee compared to cola will change, affecting the way people will consume the products in the future. The author need to invest in a more detailed plan and analyse other causes that effect the consumption. Furthermore, other investment alternatives should be discussed and compared."

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Re: Please (!) rate my AWA  [#permalink]

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New post 08 Jan 2019, 10:55
Hey Hatethissh,

Responding to your PM.

If all you need is a 4.0 (~50th percentile), you're good to go :)

Broadly speaking, you show that you have understood the original argument, are aware of its flaws and can communicate them adequately in writing.
There are some stylistic / language issues and the argument paragraphs (and arguments) could be better developed (especially the first) but if you can maintain this level on your exam next week you should do fine.
If you feel you need more practice, writing one essay a day (each from a different prompt) should be sufficient. Make sure to constrain yourself to 30 minutes total, focus on this level of grammar/writing, and remember to illustrate all of your arguments with examples.

Best of luck!
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Re: Please (!) rate my AWA   [#permalink] 08 Jan 2019, 10:55
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