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14 Mar 2021, 00:05
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The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter:
“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a
recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey
questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits
programs.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
My Essay:
The argument presents a result from a survey which indicates that 79% of nearly 1200 workers who took part in the survey are highly interested in topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of the benefits program. Based on this survey the argument concludes that the common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated. The overall argument is weak and does not support the conclusion.
Firstly, The specifics about the survey are not sufficient. Only the number of participants who took part in the survey are mentioned and the outcome is also based on them. While to put some conclusion that considers the entire workforce, all the employees should be considered or at least the total number of employees should have been mentioned to give a relative idea. For example, if the total employees are 1500 then 1200 seems to be a reasonable number but, if there are 15,000 employees then 1200 is a relatively smaller number and cannot be the indicator for all the employees.
Secondly, The argument does not tell anything about the position of the employees in the survey, which again is a very important point to be considered. Employees who are at junior levels or are a part of the labour workforce are less likely to be interested in management issues, while senior members or employees who are about to become managers are more likely to be involved and interested in management issues since their role requires them to be. Hence it becomes very important to know, what is the position of the employee in the company to be able to conclude what the argument is concluding.
Thirdly, The argument generalizes the conclusion for all the workers and all the industries, since it does not mention any specifics of the same. Every industry has different requirements like, a small scale manufacturing industry won't require a bunch of managers because there isn't much to manage there hence most of the workforce is labours that manufacture goods. while on the other hand, an IT sector firm will need some great managers that are greater than the number of managers needed in the small scale industry. This generalization weakens the argument overall.
Hence, Due to the points listed above the overall argument is weak since it uses generalized stats from the survey and the argument also does not mentions the specifics of the survey like what was the total workforce of the company, which industry was picked or this conclusion is applicable on which industries. Making the overall argument weak.
“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a
recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey
questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits
programs.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
My Essay:
The argument presents a result from a survey which indicates that 79% of nearly 1200 workers who took part in the survey are highly interested in topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of the benefits program. Based on this survey the argument concludes that the common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated. The overall argument is weak and does not support the conclusion.
Firstly, The specifics about the survey are not sufficient. Only the number of participants who took part in the survey are mentioned and the outcome is also based on them. While to put some conclusion that considers the entire workforce, all the employees should be considered or at least the total number of employees should have been mentioned to give a relative idea. For example, if the total employees are 1500 then 1200 seems to be a reasonable number but, if there are 15,000 employees then 1200 is a relatively smaller number and cannot be the indicator for all the employees.
Secondly, The argument does not tell anything about the position of the employees in the survey, which again is a very important point to be considered. Employees who are at junior levels or are a part of the labour workforce are less likely to be interested in management issues, while senior members or employees who are about to become managers are more likely to be involved and interested in management issues since their role requires them to be. Hence it becomes very important to know, what is the position of the employee in the company to be able to conclude what the argument is concluding.
Thirdly, The argument generalizes the conclusion for all the workers and all the industries, since it does not mention any specifics of the same. Every industry has different requirements like, a small scale manufacturing industry won't require a bunch of managers because there isn't much to manage there hence most of the workforce is labours that manufacture goods. while on the other hand, an IT sector firm will need some great managers that are greater than the number of managers needed in the small scale industry. This generalization weakens the argument overall.
Hence, Due to the points listed above the overall argument is weak since it uses generalized stats from the survey and the argument also does not mentions the specifics of the survey like what was the total workforce of the company, which industry was picked or this conclusion is applicable on which industries. Making the overall argument weak.
15 Mar 2021, 08:54
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Welcome to GMAT Club!
Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template!
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
P.S. Do not use the words firstly and secondly.... use First or Second or Another....
AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay. I think some of your long introduction has confused the essay grader since your "Firstly appeared only in the third paragraph". I tried deleting your first 2 paragraphs and that bumped the score up to 4.5 though it bumped the cohesion score down to 3.5. In any case, it proves that MORE is not always BETTER
Coherence and connectivity: 5.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay. I think some of your long introduction has confused the essay grader since your "Firstly appeared only in the third paragraph". I tried deleting your first 2 paragraphs and that bumped the score up to 4.5 though it bumped the cohesion score down to 3.5. In any case, it proves that MORE is not always BETTER
Coherence and connectivity: 5.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template! https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
P.S. Do not use the words firstly and secondly.... use First or Second or Another....
