DisciplinedPrep
I do not wish to sound difficult but you would need to improve your AWA. As written, this essay has both grammar and style issues. I advise you to draw inspiration from the chineseburned template. Also, make sure to make fewer grammar errors. This essay will fetch you a score less than 5. Thank you for the feed back! Writing is something I struggle with, clearly. Could you give me some feed back on this essay. I used the Chineseburned template on this one but I ran out of time before I could finish checking for errors.
The following appeared in the opinion section of a national newsmagazine:
“To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The argument claims that the government should increase the price of postage. By increasing the price of the postage stamp they will generate a greater revenue and reduce the volume of mail, which would also eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved morale. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that increasing the price of the postal stamp will generate a larger revenue. This statement is a stretch because there is no information on the current amount of postal service customer, the current price of the postal stamp and what the current revenue of the post office. For example, if we knew the current price of stamps to be $1.00 and we increase the price of stamps to $2.00. You would have higher revenue per stamp. However, if increasing the price of the stamp causes you to lose customers, despite the fact you make more money per stamp, you may not create more revenue. You could potentially drive away all of your customers and make less revenue. Clearly, the argument is not a valid as we have no data to compare how increasing the price of postage would affect the revenues of the postal services.
Second, the argument claims that increasing the price of the postage stamp you would reduce the volume of mail, which in turn, would eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved moral. This is again a very week and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate correlation between the price of the postage stamp and how that will reduce the volume of mail, eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved moral. To illustrate, the strain on the existing system and poor moral could be caused by poor work conditions and outdated technology. The volume of the mail may not be a factor at all and by reducing the volume, there is no guarantee it would eliminate strain on the system or contribute to higher moral. In fact, it is not at all clear if decreasing the volume of mail would contribute to improving the system and moral. If the argument had provided evidence that reducing the volume of the mail would help fix the strain on the current system and contributing to higher moral, then the argument would have been a lot more convincing.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all of the relevant facts about the current price of postage, the number of customers the postal services serve and the volume of the mail. In order to assess the merits of a certain decision, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. In this particular case, we can not assume that increasing the price of the postage stamp would increase revenue and reduce the volume of mail, which would eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved moral. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.