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Request for AWA essay review

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Request for AWA essay review  [#permalink]

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New post 16 Feb 2020, 12:48
Prompt: "A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service revealed a longer average response time to accidents than was reported by commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. In order to provide better patient care for accident victims and to raise revenue for our town by collecting services fees for ambulance use we should disband our volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service."

Response:
The recent review of the volunteer ambulance service in West Cambria ascertains that better patient care and an increase in revenue would result from disbanding the volunteer service in favor of hiring a commercial ambulance service. The argument presented by the review is flawed in several ways; the review assumes the areas of west and east cambria operate on the same premise, and it fails to provide a more cohesive financial analysis of volunteer versus commercial services.

The review highlights the average wait time for accident victims is longer in West Cambria than in East Cambia, eroniously attributing wait time to the use of volunteer services in the West. This claim cannot be support without the knowledge of ambulatory locations. The time that the volunteer services takes to reach the scene of the accident is also dependent on the premise of which that service operates on. The West area could be a larger area, creating longer drive times for the volunteers. In addition to this, the population in which these two areas serve could differ dramatically. If the West area served a higher population, volunteers could have more accident scenes to attend to.

Continuing, the review asserts that a commercial service would bring in more revenue. This is a flawed claim because the review provides no analysis of financial implications of disbanding a volunteer group in favor of a paid for commercial service. Even if they town was able to charge a service fee per use, the review neglects to explore the costs associated with such commercial services. If the removal of the volunteer group perssits, the town will have to allow for staff compensation of the newly provided services. Therefore, they only way that the town could actually profit off of this would be to charge an astronomical fee to the patrons of the ambulance service, in addition to provide minimal compensation to the staff.

In conclusion, the review of the ambulatory services in West Cambria is severely flawed because it assumes the services actively functioning in East Cambria could operately just as efficiently in the West, and does not explore the financial investment of hiring a commercial service.
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Re: Request for AWA essay review  [#permalink]

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New post 16 Feb 2020, 19:22
mcgov090 - Welcome to GMAT Club!

In short, your AWA is pretty good except for a few grammar issues, mostly related to modifiers. You have put forward a strong reasoning. At 360 word count, the essay length could be slightly improved. With a little more practice, you could easily fetch a perfect 6 on the AWA section of the real-GMAT. Make sure to glance over some high quality AWA attempts available in this forum. Also, please allocate a good 2-3 minutes to proofread your writing in order to eliminate minor issues, including spelling mistakes. For instance, you have gotten a few spellings incorrect: operately, perssits, eroniously.
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Re: Request for AWA essay review   [#permalink] 16 Feb 2020, 19:22
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