AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luckmajaele wrote:
Hello, Could someone check my AWA, please? Thank you in advance.
The following appeared in a memorandum from the head of a human resources department at a major automobile
manufacturing company to the company's managers:
“Studies have found that employees of not-for-profit organizations and charities are often more highly motivated than
employees of for-profit corporations to perform well at work when their performance is not being monitored or
evaluated. Interviews with employees of not-for-profit organizations suggest that the reason for their greater
motivation is the belief that their work helps to improve society. Because they believe in the importance of their work,
they have personal reasons to perform well, even when no financial reward is present. Thus, if our corporation began
donating a significant portion of its profits to humanitarian causes, our employees’ motivation and productivity would
increase substantially and our overall profits would increase as well.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . .etc.
This argument concludes that if the company started donating some parts of their profits to humanitarian causes, their employees’ productivity would significantly increase and following that, the profits would increase as well. The premises state that making a change in the world and helping others have a direct effect on the change in productivity. However, this argument is flawed and prey to assumptions that calls the conclusion of the argument in question.
Firstly, the author assumes that their employees are interested in helping humanitarian causes. In this corporate company, it is likely that the staff members are not interested in helping other and would rather earn a higher salary to be able to spend it on their personal expenses. People are different and their career purposes are diverse. If these employees were interested in making a change in the world, they would work in a non-profit firm. However, since they are working in a corporate business, they will expect to receive a significant salary for their jobs.
Secondly, this argument states that the increase in productivity of the staff members will, accordingly, increase the profits. In that situation, if the productivity increases, the employees will be expecting to have their pay increased due to their success at work. However, the corporate firm would have to spend a significant portion of profits on the donation and on their employees, which would not guarantee an increase in profits because it would increase costs.
To conclude, this argument is flawed for the reasons indicated. There is no guarantee that in this for-profit corporate firm employees will react positively to the implementation of donating fund to a humanitarian cause. This action will either decrease the profits with increasing the costs or decrease the staff’s productivity because of a salary reduction.