AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/6
The essay demonstrates good coherence and connectivity. The ideas are logically organized, and the essay flows well from one point to the next. Transitions between paragraphs are clear and help connect the argument's different aspects. However, there are a few instances where the connection between ideas could be more explicit.
Word structure: 5/6
The essay uses a range of vocabulary effectively. It is well-written and maintains a consistent level of language complexity. There are no major issues with word structure.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/6
The essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a solid structure. However, some of the body paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the paragraph discussing generational changes could benefit from more elaboration. Additionally, while the essay does have good topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, some of the supporting details and explanations could be more substantial.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The essay is well-written and demonstrates a good command of language and grammar. There are only a few minor issues with grammar, such as the use of "may have been" (which could be revised to "might have been"), and "Had the studies been more recent" (which might be clearer as "If the studies were more recent"). Overall, the language and grammar are strong.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/6
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary effectively and conveys ideas clearly. However, there could be some improvements in word choice in a few places for even greater precision and clarity.
Overall, this is a well-structured and well-written essay that effectively critiques the argument, highlighting its weaknesses. It provides a sound analysis of the reasoning and use of evidence in the original argument, and it suggests ways to strengthen the argument by addressing the issues raised.
aapatre wrote:
“Studies suggest that an average coffee drinker’s consumption of coffee increases with age, from age 10 through age 60. Even after age 60, coffee consumption remains high. The average cola drinker’s consumption of cola, however, declines with increasing age. Both of these trends have remained stable for the past 40 years. Given that the number of older adults will significantly increase as the population ages over the next 20 years, it follows that the demand for coffee will increase and the demand for cola will decrease during this period. We should, therefore, consider transferring our investments from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffee.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counter examples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Answer:
The argument given in the business plan of the investment and financial consulting firm suggests that the firm should consider transferring their investments from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffee. The business plan has based the argument on studies that indicate that an average coffee drinker's consumption of coffee increases with age (from age 10 to 60) while the consumption of cola by average cola drinkers declines with their increasing age. However, the plan is flawed for several reasons.
Firstly, the conclusions of studies being referred to may be prone to sampling bias. It might be possible that the studies may have been conducted on smaller population sets, leading to a biased data which may not be applicable to a larger sample. Therefore, more data should be provided about the subjects under study.
Moreover, the results might be outdated because of generational changes. What may have been a trend in the past, may not hold true during the time of discussion. Had the studies been more recent, they may have been more reliable. Hence, more information should be provided to know if the studies are recent.
Furthermore, some statistical dataset should be provided with absolute values - and not percentages - to help evaluate the consumption trend better, as percentage changes are based on absolute values. If lower number of people consume coffee but drastically higher number of people consume cola, then the given plan of action may not provide the expected results.
Finally, the consumer behavior may vary across regions. There can be places wherein the opposite behavior of the consumers may be observed; in some places, people might increase their cola intake while reducing their coffee intake as they age. The argument however generalizes the plan and leaves no room to consider exceptions.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for various reasons stated above, but can be strengthened with more data on the studies.