AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5/6
The essay presents a well-structured argument with good coherence and connectivity. The author has used appropriate linking words and phrases to connect the ideas and paragraphs. The essay flows smoothly from one point to another. However, the use of transitions could be improved in a few places.
Word Structure: 6/6
The author has used appropriate and varied vocabulary, and the sentences are well-structured. There are no major issues with word choice or phrasing.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5/6
The essay follows a standard paragraph structure, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. However, there are a few instances where the paragraphs could be more focused on a single idea.
Language and Grammar: 5.5/6
The essay is written in clear and concise language with no major grammatical errors. However, there are a few minor issues with word choice and sentence structure that could be improved.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 6/6
The author has used appropriate and varied vocabulary, and the sentences are well-structured. There are no major issues with word choice or phrasing.
Overall, the essay is well-written and effectively presents a counterargument to the given argument. The author has identified the flaws in the reasoning and used appropriate evidence and examples to support their argument. The essay could be improved with a more focused and refined thesis statement and a stronger conclusion that summarizes the key points.
jim441 wrote:
“There is a common misconception that university hospitals are better than community or private hospitals. This notion is unfounded, however: the university hospitals in our region employ 15 percent fewer doctors, have a 20 percent lower success rate in treating patients, make far less overall profit, and pay their medical staff considerably less than do private hospitals. Furthermore, many doctors at university hospitals typically divide their time among teaching, conducting research, and treating patients. From this it seems clear that the quality of care at university hospitals is lower than that at other kinds of hospitals.”
Essay:
The argument states that the notion that university hospitals are better than community or private hospitals is unfound. The conclusion of the argument is based upon the premise that university hospitals have low success rate of treatment, pay less salaries to their staff and have fewer doctors employed. The conclusion of the argument is based on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence, Hence, the conclusion is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument states that the success rate of university hospitals in treating patients is 20 percent lower than that of private or community hospitals. However, the argument has failed to consider the possiblity that more critical cases come to university hospitals, whereas private or community hospitals deals only with patients having common or mild diseases. It is highly likely that the patients generally prefer university hospitals when the nature of the diseases is critical and thus requires the care of expert doctors who are only available in university hospital. In such cases, the success rates of the treatments will obviously be lower than that of private or community hospitals.
Second, the argument has made a fraudulent assumption that there is a casual relationship between low salaries of the medical staff and the effectivness of the hospital. It is quite possible that medical personals of university hospitals are working in these hospitals because these personals are mainly interested in conducting research or teaching, and hence, these medical professionals are not really bothered about the low salaries. Based upon this casual relationship, we can't conclude anything substantial.
Finally, the argument has stated that university hospitals employ fewer doctors than do community or private hospitals. However, there is no relationship between the quality of the care and the number of doctors. It is quite possible that university hospitals employ only well renowned doctors who hold expertise in their field. Furthermore, it is very likely that the main objective of an university hospital is not to earn money but to provide best care to its patients. So based upon the number of the doctors and profits, we can't compare university hospitals and private or community hospitals
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons and is thus unconvincing. Based on the given premises we can't conclude that community or private hopitals are better than university hospitals. Without any further knowledge and data, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open for debate.