AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5
The essay has a generally clear flow of ideas and arguments.
Some transitions between points could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
Word Structure: 5
Your word choices effectively convey your points.
There are a few instances where sentence structures could be more varied for improved readability.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5.0
You have organized your essay into paragraphs, each discussing a specific point.
Some paragraphs could be more focused and concise, and the development of ideas within paragraphs could be more consistent.
Language and Grammar: 5.5
Your language usage is generally precise and accurate.
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be refined for better clarity.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5.0
Your vocabulary demonstrates a good range of words. Incorporating a slightly more varied and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the expression of your ideas. Overall, your essay effectively addresses the argument's flaws and questionable assumptions. However, there's room for improvement in terms of refining sentence structures, ensuring consistency in paragraph development, and using a slightly more diverse vocabulary. With some revisions, your essay could become even more coherent and impactful.
Avishi09 wrote:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter.
“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
The argument claims that the notion of workers being uninterested regarding managerial issues is false, the claim of the argument is based on the premise that 79% of 1200 workers who have participated in a survey showed interest in topics such as corporate restructuring and redesign. The assumptions on which the argument is based have no clear evidence and have several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that 1200 workers who have participated in the survey are the actual representation of the overall working population. However, the argument fails to mention the actual working population. For example: if the population is 5000, then a sample of 1200 may produce actual results but this holds false when the population is 1000000 or above.
Second, the argument fails to mention the part of the population participating in the survey, as there is a possibility that only that part of the population participated in the survey who is actually interested in management issues as they might know the subject of the survey beforehand, making the results biased.
Finally, the premise states management issues while the conclusion states topics of corporate restructuring and redesign which might not represent each other For instance: the management issues stated in the premise may be related to employee performance, teamwork, and difficulty in delegation, making the conclusion flawed.