AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 6/6
The essay is very coherent and well-connected. The writer uses transitional words and phrases effectively to connect ideas and create a logical flow. Each paragraph builds on the previous one, and the essay as a whole is well-structured and easy to follow.
Anatomy: 6/6
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument and outlines the writer's approach to analyzing it. The body contains three well-developed paragraphs that each address a different assumption made in the argument. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer's evaluation of the argument.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/6
Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that develop the main point. The writer provides evidence and examples to support their analysis, and each paragraph ends with a sentence that transitions to the next paragraph.
Language and Grammar: 6/6
The writer uses precise and effective language to convey their ideas. Sentences are well-constructed and free of grammatical errors. The essay is written in a formal and professional tone appropriate for an analytical writing assessment.
Vocabulary and word expression: 6/6
The writer uses a varied and sophisticated vocabulary to express their ideas. They use precise words and phrases to convey their analysis effectively. The essay is free of repetition and cliches, and the writer demonstrates a mastery of academic vocabulary.
Overall, this essay is very well-written and effectively evaluates the argument presented. The writer provides a clear and detailed analysis of the assumptions made in the argument and presents evidence to support their evaluation. The essay is well-structured, coherent, and free of errors in language and grammar. The vocabulary is sophisticated and appropriate for an analytical writing assessment.
bubbasparky wrote:
Prompt
The following appeared in a report presented for discussion at a meeting of the directors of a company that manufactures parts for heavy machinery:
“The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals. Consider further that the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little about the properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing manager to the sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be manager of the purchasing department.”
Essay:
The argument suggests moving a new scientist as the manager of the purchasing department will fix the company’s declining revenue omits several key issues that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The argument makes several assumptions: lack of knowledge concerning properties of metals by the current purchasing manager has led to poor planning, a person with background in general business, psychology, and sociology is well suited as the manager of the sales department, and associating revenue decline with delays in manufacturing.
First, the argument gives no evidence that the purchasing manager must be knowledgeable in the properties of metals to be successful. The argument states the delays are from poor planning. This implies the purchasing manager could be successful if proper planning occurs, regardless of their knowledge of the properties of metals. Second, the argument lacks evidence for why the sales manager must be replaced by the current purchasing manager. Although the purchasing manager has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, this does not mean the purchasing manager will perform better in the sales manager position than the current sales manager. The argument must make a stronger connection how making the purchasing manager the sales manager will help fix the declining revenue problem. And lastly, there is no evidence that shows the delays in manufacturing is causing the decline in revenue. Although they coincide and seem to have a cause and effect relationship, the argument lacks evidence to prove the connection. The argument must add evidence that proves the delays are causing a revenue decline.
Because the argument lacks evidence for how moving a manager will fix its declining revenue problem, it is unsound and not persuasive.