Hi. That's a pretty long essay. Impressive!
I tried to run in through the automatic grader on gmatawa an old but free tool. Not sure if it crapped out or if that's indeed the score but it gave
3.5 out of 6 as the score. Coherence and connectivity: 2 out of 5
Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5 out of 5
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5 out of 5
I also tried to generate a summary and here is what came of it:See if this makes sense on its own.
In this passage, which argues that a performance and feedback software will rectify problems that the company is seeing after a move to a new office space, the author makes several weak assumptions to support the use of the described software package.
There are weak points in the causation/ correlation of the problems the company is seeing and performance appraisal and feedback, false association between high administration costs and feedback automation, and wrongful comparisons between dissimilar bodies.
While the managers may be saving time in generating performance appraisal and feedback, this does not account for both manager productivity outside of reviews as well as the morale and productivity of the individual contributor.
Even if the productivity of the management was improved by the proposed software, managers as a percentage of total company staff is likely under 10% (assuming no more than one manager per 10 employees) and will not likely see a great increase in overall company productivity at this level.
To strengthen their argument, the author could provide examples of how the automated feedback and appraisal from the software would impact the morale and productivity of other employee types that represent a greater percentage of the company’s population.
This argument is weak as it does not take into consideration where the administrative costs are coming from; the software package would reduce costs by automating one area of the company’s day-to-day operations, but there would likely be a plethora of administrative costs that were associated with the company’s recent move.
The author would best offset this argument by providing information on how much the software would save the company in administrative costs and the amount of time it would take to offset the associated cost of the move.