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27 Apr 2010, 12:01
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I'm having a very difficult time trying to understand what type of prose to use in b-school essays. Please look at these two examples (I pulled them off public websites), and tell me which one is more geared towards a business school application.
EXAMPLE A:
Courtesy of https://www.hbs.edu/mba/profiles/Portrai ... Brian.html
What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? (not an application essay questions as far as I know)
I remember sitting against a tree at summer camp listening intently to a counselor who, with her guitar, taught me a song that I still sing to myself every day. It put a three-line ancient rabbinical teaching to a simple tune:
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" When I was sixteen, I decided to accept myself and to come out of the closet. I recognize that I am one of the most privileged gay people in this country and that, as of today, gay Americans do not have full equal rights. I want to use the education and the many gifts I have been provided to fight for the same rights, privileges, and protections my siblings and peers enjoy. I want to die an equal citizen of this country.
"But if I am only for myself, then what am I?" Nearly three billion people live on less than $2 per day. I want to use the tools and strategies that powerful corporations employ to address global poverty. Our world is far too rich with resources for billions to go hungry.
"And if not now, when?" Two years ago, a falling telecom cable struck my head and nearly took my life. I don't know where I'll be standing when the next cable falls. That cable, and that childhood song, constantly remind me:
Today is the most important day in the world. I will live it with extreme purpose.
EXAMPLE B:
Courtesy of https://hbsguru.com/hbs_samples.html
Not sure what the essay prompt was
In 1990 as a senior associate at Condor Consulting, I headed a four person Condor team for two years at Monitor Software (MS), a mid-size firm which sold data-base management software products. Our mission was to convince 120 key MS programmers and engineers to sell MS consulting services as a new 'product,' in addition to their old engineering and programming tasks. These valued and long-term employees were not sales oriented and were comfortable with the status quo. Also, they were committed to finishing their current projects, not adding to them. I helped plan several company meetings and question-and-answer sessions to share the company's new vision. I explained the need for MS to change in order to remain competitive. But many MS programmers and engineers, at the end of our first orientation 'phase' (6 months), were not committed to the change. After carefully assessing these meetings with my own 'change' team, I told senior management the original plan would take 3 years instead of 15 months. We had to hire new people, deal with winning over more recruits, and craft an exit strategy for those unwilling to join.
Over the next two years 70 percent of the initial target audience signed on, and 30 percent were transferred, quit, or let go. The new consulting 'business' became 25 percent of MS' total revenues.
Executing lay-offs at the same time as making new hires was hard. So was integrating new hires into this roiling environment. My team's success was based on (i) open communication, (ii) a willingness to change the first plan, (iii) hiring outplacement and recruitment experts (after a failure of trying this in-house) and (iv) constantly sharing the new vision and benefits. Although we revised the 'change' plan, we never waivered in our ultimate commitment to it--and it showed.
As I've been thinking about how to write my essays, the style of prose I've been wanting to use is more closely aligned with Essay A. More story, more feeling, creative, however it's very easy to get "too creative" and not answer the question in the most direct way. Essay B is how I'm starting to think about approaching my essays. Problem, Action, Result. To the point. This is what happened, what I learned, etc. No meandering.
What's everyone else's opinion???
EXAMPLE A:
Courtesy of https://www.hbs.edu/mba/profiles/Portrai ... Brian.html
What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? (not an application essay questions as far as I know)
I remember sitting against a tree at summer camp listening intently to a counselor who, with her guitar, taught me a song that I still sing to myself every day. It put a three-line ancient rabbinical teaching to a simple tune:
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" When I was sixteen, I decided to accept myself and to come out of the closet. I recognize that I am one of the most privileged gay people in this country and that, as of today, gay Americans do not have full equal rights. I want to use the education and the many gifts I have been provided to fight for the same rights, privileges, and protections my siblings and peers enjoy. I want to die an equal citizen of this country.
"But if I am only for myself, then what am I?" Nearly three billion people live on less than $2 per day. I want to use the tools and strategies that powerful corporations employ to address global poverty. Our world is far too rich with resources for billions to go hungry.
"And if not now, when?" Two years ago, a falling telecom cable struck my head and nearly took my life. I don't know where I'll be standing when the next cable falls. That cable, and that childhood song, constantly remind me:
Today is the most important day in the world. I will live it with extreme purpose.
EXAMPLE B:
Courtesy of https://hbsguru.com/hbs_samples.html
Not sure what the essay prompt was
In 1990 as a senior associate at Condor Consulting, I headed a four person Condor team for two years at Monitor Software (MS), a mid-size firm which sold data-base management software products. Our mission was to convince 120 key MS programmers and engineers to sell MS consulting services as a new 'product,' in addition to their old engineering and programming tasks. These valued and long-term employees were not sales oriented and were comfortable with the status quo. Also, they were committed to finishing their current projects, not adding to them. I helped plan several company meetings and question-and-answer sessions to share the company's new vision. I explained the need for MS to change in order to remain competitive. But many MS programmers and engineers, at the end of our first orientation 'phase' (6 months), were not committed to the change. After carefully assessing these meetings with my own 'change' team, I told senior management the original plan would take 3 years instead of 15 months. We had to hire new people, deal with winning over more recruits, and craft an exit strategy for those unwilling to join.
Over the next two years 70 percent of the initial target audience signed on, and 30 percent were transferred, quit, or let go. The new consulting 'business' became 25 percent of MS' total revenues.
Executing lay-offs at the same time as making new hires was hard. So was integrating new hires into this roiling environment. My team's success was based on (i) open communication, (ii) a willingness to change the first plan, (iii) hiring outplacement and recruitment experts (after a failure of trying this in-house) and (iv) constantly sharing the new vision and benefits. Although we revised the 'change' plan, we never waivered in our ultimate commitment to it--and it showed.
As I've been thinking about how to write my essays, the style of prose I've been wanting to use is more closely aligned with Essay A. More story, more feeling, creative, however it's very easy to get "too creative" and not answer the question in the most direct way. Essay B is how I'm starting to think about approaching my essays. Problem, Action, Result. To the point. This is what happened, what I learned, etc. No meandering.
What's everyone else's opinion???
27 Apr 2010, 12:44
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Bookmarks
the problem with essays like A is that unless you're really good, you're bound to come off as fake in your essay. since the essay is one of the main ways that the adcom can get to know who you are, coming off as fake is probably not a good idea.
27 Apr 2010, 12:50
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Good point shadow. Is Essay B similar in style to your essays for Yale?
