Who is uprooting their spouse with them?

Question

Considering the application season is just kicking off, this post only applies if I get accepted somewhere.

Is anyone out there nervous about their spouse finding a job when you move? Turning on the news is stressing me out with the financial crisis. Extremely. My husband keeps saying we'll make it work, and I know we will, but I am not looking forward to it!

Not only am I uprooting a husband, but a dog and two cats. :-)

. I know, it's a zoo.

Not only that we have a condo to still pay for! I think we'll be fine but I'm stressing!

. I know, it's a zoo. Not only that we have a condo to still pay for! I think we'll be fine but I'm stressing!

riverripper · Answer

Sounds like your situation will be a lot like what I have dealt with this year. Luckily my wife works in an industry where the job market is still pretty good. It took a while because companies are big on interviewing people half way across the country so the job hunt sucked until we moved. It took a little over a month from when we moved for her to get an offer but she ended up with two. Some of her friends had and are having a harder time...there are plenty of them who still dont have jobs and its not looking good. It really depends on what they do, its really bad for some careers and its tough for almost all. I think a lot of it depends on where you end up and what your husband does...I hope you go to a school in a big city with a decent job market then it will be far better than a lot of locations.

We have a dog and a house...the dog was tough to find a place but that was easy compared to a lot of things. The house is another situation, I have other classmates in the same situation as me and money is extremely tight...and its not looking good with this current market. You just do the best you can and hope things turn around and that the job market is decent when you finish.

Finding a school/location that your husband will enjoy too is important. An active significant others community is a big help, so is a school with a very tight knit community...getting him involved will help the adjustment a lot.

Raabend · Answer

Uprooting my dog will be more difficult than uprooting my wife. My wife can work remotely but my dog will hve a hard time finding a new favorite spot to pee on.

filmcity · Answer

I am ( if get admitted)..

The thing that worries me is being an international she will not be able to work, and whether 2 years will seem too long to her? ( And again, given that we will be on borrowed money, we dont expect much of traveling and all)

Anonymous · Answer

Thanks river. We both sat down and went through a list of schools together before I started the application process. There were certain places he absolutely would not move.. like new york city and philadelphia :-)

. His industry will be affected but.. not hit too hard. So we picked spots that are major cities, minus Duke - he wanted me to apply there because he thinks that area is still up and coming and it would be okay. But I guess we shall see! I know times are tough but, hopefully in one year it will level out. I figure, people do this all the time and somehow make it work. If I have to be a poor wife for a couple years to become a sugar mama later on than I'm willing to make that sacrifice ;-)

.

Audio · Answer

Speaking from experience, moving without the SO as an international is tough, but doable. However, I preferred moving by myself than having her around me not working (she would go nuts). It's a tough situation for us internationals!

cereal255 · Answer

Luckily, my wife agreed to go wherever I want to go. (except the west coast) Hopefully I'll be dragging her to either Ithaca or Hanover in the fall. I moved to Buffalo with her for her degree so it's her turn to move somewhere for me.

She's a high school teacher so she shouldn't have too hard of a time finding a job wherever we go. She certainly doesn't have to be in a big city which is awesome. We're a little nervous, but it's a big step no matter what. I'm having a hard time thinking about moving 4 to 8 hours away let alone to another country like many of you on this board. I don't know how you international applicants do it... maybe I'm just more travel-averse than I'd like to admit.

I also feel for all of the pet owners out there. I think that just as difficult as moving with the spouse. We have a 12 year old retriever who is not going to be happy cooped up in an apartment all day now that he's gotten used to our back yard.

Anonymous · Answer

LOL I have a 1 year old puggle, a deaf cat, and a 6 year old grumpy cat. I swear, they are like children.

cereal255 · Answer

My dog likes to pretend he's deaf when we try to get him to come inside and is always grumpy. He can hear the food getting put into his bowl pretty well though when it's time for puppy dinner.

In all seriousness though I think that it'll be tougher on him than on my wife. He's a Chesapeake Bay Retriever and they need a ton of exercise or else they go nuts and get pretty destructive, even at his advanced age. I'm just hoping he makes it to next year at this point though since he's definitely starting to show his age. His muzzle is going all grey and he has a hard time laying down sometimes.

Speaking of being like children, my wife is also going a bit baby crazy at the moment. I don't know if the dog or the baby would be harder. I'm hoping she can chill out until at least next year for the baby since I don't know how I would be able to handle a newborn right when I'm starting school again. How do all you parents deal with that added pressure?

riverripper · Answer

Dont have kids but I have a classmate who had a kid a few months before starting here which I think is crazy. I have a lot of classmates who have babies and some classmates wive's are pregnant right now. Its pretty common for internationals students wive's to get pregnant when they arrive. They often cant get work visa's and if the child is born in the US it will be a citizen.

I hear its pretty common for wives to have kids timed around graduation...you are used to one salary and your wife just spent two years working to support you. Plus a lot of people graduate in their late 20s or early 30s so its that time in life for a lot of people.

I suggest you have your spouses reach out to the significant other communities at various schools to get an idea of what it will be like for them. As long as they have a vote on where you end up it shouldnt cause to many problems. Forcing them to leave everything they have to move to a place they are going to be miserable is going to cause you all sorts of problems. You are so busy with school they are going to need to have their own life or they will be miserable. Personally I think that this is a big reason why some schools have a much higher percentage of people in serious relationships at them.

Who is uprooting their spouse with them?

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