Moving Anxiety-Not Sure How to Deal With It=Freaking Out

Question

I decided to go to a school 700 plus miles away since I would not end up with any debt. The other reason is I am not sure if I want to go for my PHD after MBA..I want to do marketing..and therefore definitely don't want any debt, especially debt that will continue to accrue interest even while I am in school..hence I am going to a less prestigious program, but well regarded in the publics..

I am just freaking out now..never really been out of Pittsburgh where ALL of my friends and family are.I would be out there totally alone...Not sure how well I am going to do or if I am going to make it..anyone have any tips?

Jim

johnnyx9 · Answer

You might be anxious now, but when you move it won't be a big deal. 

It would be one thing if you were moving somewhere and had to find a job when you got there. But showing up to an MBA program you'll have a set schedule, you'll have an automatic social network, and you'll be too busy with school work and events to contemplate your new situation and get all angsty about the change.

aaudetat · Answer

Totally agree. I moved and left ndhlp in Ithaca and for the most part, I've barely noticed he's gone. I've just got lots to do and enjoy.

When do classes start and when do you move? Truly, it's the moving that's the more stressful piece. Once we found a place, moved into it, and got a decent amount of stuff unpacked, I really felt ok. So do give yourself at least a few days to settle in. You don't want to be worried about meeting the cable guy while you're trying to schedule a team meeting.

aaudetat · Answer

johnny! Long time no freakin' see!

what's the story? are you in NYC? making the most of your skinny jeans?

GMATT73 · Answer

Not sure if you are looking to rent or buy in your new town, but here is how I went about finding an apartment in downtown Seattle (currently 99% occupied). 

It took me a little less than a week to find a quiet, comfortable and convenient apartment, within my student budget, but that was a week of 14-hour days, and it was after the 10th of the month, which is when tenants normally give notice. I used Craig's list as the best online resource and checked it every two hours or so in order to stay on top of recent listings. 

Another good way to find apartments is to simply walk around the area with a notepad and jot down all the signs you see. Some of these will be companies which forgot to take down the signs, but a number of these will be places which haven't advertised anywhere else because they get sufficient foot traffic. 

My search schedule went something like this:
 
7:00 wake up
7:00 - 9:00 read Craig's list and put all interesting properties into a standard format so that I could rate them; ate breakfast while categorizing
9:00 - 12:00 called about new listings, and followed up on old listings where my calls hadn't been returned
12:00 - 1:00 lunch
13:00 - 8:00 appointments to view places; check craig's list if you stop anywhere which has wireless
8:00 - 9:00 drove around and look for posted vacancies
10:00 - 11:00 dinner
11:00 - midnight checked Craig's list again and reorganized interesting properties into a standard format.


Once you think you've found a suitable apartment/house, don't forget to contact SLS (student legal services) for a free review of your lease before you sign it. 

Good luck!

GMATT73 · Answer

Which city are you moving to James?

jamesrwrightiii · Answer

Columbia MO-I am not sure I am going now..I would be totally alone out there with no access to friends/family..and trips home do not fit into my student budget

kidderek · Answer

James,

Just my input, and nothing more: You need to stop freaking out. Otherwise, don't go to bschool. You are setting yourself up for failure. You seem to have this self fulfilling prophecy to fail. 

Don't concentrate on what you'll be missing (home-cooking, friends, family), but focus on new things you will learn, new life-long relationships you will make, and getting to learn the ins and outs of a new city.

Cut out the negativity now or you are doomed to fail.

riverripper · Answer

Judging by your join date you have been on the MBA track for awhile...if you jump off now out of fear of missing friends and family then you will probably regret it for the rest of your life. Do you want to give up on a dream and give into your anxiety? If you quit before you even start then you might as well never bother trying to do anything different again, stay at your job, live in the same place, and never try anything new. Think of it as an adventure and once you are done you can easily settle down wherever you want. Its only two years. You will have a phone and the internet so keeping in touch wont be tough.

You aren't moving to another country and having to deal with culture shock and being thousands of miles and several time zones away. Just think of how all our friends from India and Asia must feel about the prospects of being half a world away from their families.

Sorry I am less sympathic than some of the others. Its not like you are going to be deprived of contact of your family or anything. Many of us have dealt with it before either during undergrad or in life after college...you just deal with it. Family is important but they will still be there in two years and you will make new friends to hang out with at school.

jamesrwrightiii · Answer

Thanks for your responses..I have a ten hour drive ahead of me tomorrow..I spoke with the lady at admissions, and she said I can register Friday..classes start Monday One reason I have been hesitant is I really wanted to go to Katz since it is so close to me and I know the area..plus it has half decent stats for finance..

But the kicker is my mother is mentally il..severe depression..she almost lost her house a couple of times but I had to bail in and help her out financially. With Katz. although closer, it would bind me up financially since if I had to leave the program, I would have significant debt..and possibly no MBA class job...

She is the reason I put off going to school longer than I would have liked..So alas I have to drive somewhere pretty far just so I can be free financially

GMATT73 · Answer

James, its time to break out and leave the nest. If classes start Monday then you had better get over to Columbia and get settled. Word to the wise: stay close to campus, but not too close. 

Assuming that you will be in a fairly rural area, housing shouldn't be a major issue. Just get settled ASAP so you can walk in with a clear mind next week. 

Remember, there are always winter, spring and (limited) summer breaks, not to mention a few extended weekends if you need to return home for any reason. It's only two years and you have come this far, full ride and assistantship included. Trust me, it will never get any better than it is right now.

drMBA1 · Answer

James, life is not perfect. You can either go to Katz & take a loan or go to Columbia-MO and take the scholarship. Decide which factor is more important to you, make a decision and move on.Pls stop being so negative, cos that's just setting yourself up for failure. I bet there are people with worse family scenarios. Make a decision, be at peace with it and have fun. If any emergency comes up while you are in school, deal with it then instead of fretting about things going wrong even when they haven't happened.

GMATT73 · Answer

I wonder if he's on the road now driving a U-Haul out west :?:

johnnyx9 · Answer

On my way to NY this weekend (jeans in hand). 

How are things down South? My friend who went to Fuqua told me they have this "Wall Street Week" trip where Dukies flew up to NY randomly during the semester, if you and the other gmat-club kids at Duke make it up to NY definitely drop a line.

jamesrwrightiii · Answer

I started out but I am turning back around lol..
Here is the situation...I am still employed..although if I went to school I was going to call in sick on Monday morning. I worked until 6 PM tonight... I did not want to quit my job without checking out the campus first. I was planning on driving until late until the night tonight..and checking out the campus tomorrow..but alas I only made it to about the 250 mile marker (out of 700) before I got so tired I could not keep my eyes open, and being drowsy when there are 18 wheelers and NO berm for miles on end (due to construction) is not recommended. I am not sure if I can drive 7 more hours tomorrow..stay for a few hours..and then drive another ten hours back IF I don't like the campus..since worst case scenario I would need to be at work on Monday morning...if I don't show up..I will get fired..then I will really be screwed:(

kryzak · Answer

wait, james, so you're quitting your job only if you like the campus, so close to start of classes?

GMATT73 · Answer

James, I hate to do this but I'm calling you out. I think this whole act your putting on is a farse. Seriously, how in the world could somebody score a 700 on the GMAT, slave hours over applications, get a full ride scholarship plus a handsome assistantship, only to bail out over a simple 700 mile drive?

Amazing.

I just walked away from a high salary (sure seems high now) and a very comfortable lifestyle, went immediately $40K+ in debt and flew 7000 miles to take a shot at a dream. Risky? Damn straight it is, yet anything worth having in this world will involve hedging your bets; and if you can't wager on your own success, then I really take pity on your pathetic life. 

Seriously, if you aren't going to go, then go back to your Pittburg job and stop posting in our forum, because IMHO all you bring is negative energy to the table. I've never met, let alone known of such a wobbler like you. Like I said before, I'm calling your bluff.

jamesrwrightiii · Answer

Well really you are wrong. This is not a farse. I was hedging my bets that I would be able to drive further, get to campus, see how I liked it, and then if I liked it I would stay. I am not going to stay two years in a town I do not like. I unfortunately, am not married so I don't have the luxury of taking a partner like yourself.

I also have had to deal with some major family issues over the last 6 months. My father had prostate cancer, and became disabled, at least in terms of work, since he also began to have seizures and could not drive anymore. Somehow the infection he got after his surgery caused an opening in his blood vessels in his brain and that caused his seizues. I also have the issue with my mentally ill mother and my concerns about her losing her house and who knows where she will end up. It's not like I am walking away from a perfectly happy home situation where I am not concerned about anyone. I have major concerns about both of my parents, and unfortunately, as an only child (too bad they couldn't have made more babies) I am really the only one left to pick up the pieces. My parents are less than 60 years old, but I feel like I have to worry about them more than I have to worry about my 85 year old grandmother. 
Plus I had my own health problems to worry about..I had difficulty swallowing brought on my acid reflux..needless to say it was very difficult for me to eat for about 4 months..talk about taking a life toll..I could not go out to eat with friends or take a date out..I would always feel like food was getting stuck..and it was not a pretty site..the medication finally resolved that only within the last three weeks.

And it was not the 700 mile drive that scared me. It was the fact I thought I was going to be able to go farther last night than I was able to go. I was about two hours into the trip when my cell phone battery went low..I looked for my car charger. I could not find it. I had to stop off in some down..and drive to the walmart to get another one...that took about an hour with traffic. It was really a non option. I was not going to be on an interstate late at night with no communication. Then a little later..I got very tired..I even stopped off at a rest stop..took a few caffeine pills and washed it down with Mountain Dew...I was still very drowsy afterwards so I decided to stay in a hotel here in Dayton Ohio. I am posting from a holiday in express. I was not in shape to drive. There were 18 wheelers on my butt with cement barriers on both sides of me..if anything went wrong, I was going to be dust..the speed there was about 70 MPH. I felt myself drifting off. I did try to keep myself awake so I could keep driving, but it wasn't happening. 


I thought I would at least 2/3 to 3/4 of the way there when I started out this morning, but due to the above situation, I only got to the 260 marker on my first night. I would have to drive until 4PM today STRAIGHT to make it there..if I didn't like the campus, I would have to start driving back immediately to make it to work on Monday. 

And also people think I will be able to go back home on a regular basis. I did the math on the finances, and car expenses cannot be factored into financial aid..so i am not sure how much longer I would be able to keep my car..

I will admit to being a wobbler, but for good reason. If I don't like the campus, and I need to apply next year, I need to have a job so i don't go through all of my savings over the next year. 
I also think nearly anyone would be wobbling with the home situations that I have. Really, I would be farther from home than I would be if I were in NYC or Boston..really Columbia is that far from Pittsburgh.
Boston is only 588..nyc is 340..Columbia is over 700 miles..people don't realize how much longer it takes 

I wished I didn't have the worries I have, but for me not to care would basically force me to shut down my conscience. Being a very caring and loving person, that is not an option. If I was the only person I had to worry about I would have been in school already. I am willing to bet on my own success but the problem is I have more than myself to worry about. So before you call anyone pathetic, please understand the entire story before you cast aspersions.

kryzak · Answer

James, while I'm sympathetic, and your parents' and your own health problems are nothing to sneeze at, I do find your fear of driving 700+ miles a bit of an exaggeration. If you already drove 260 miles, the rest can be done in 4-5 hours flat. If you left around 10 am in the morning, getting good sleep, you'll get there at 2-3pm. See the campus during daylight hours, stay over in a hotel tonight, wake up around 8-9am on Sunday, and you'll be home before dark. I really don't see why you're "worried" about not getting back to work on Monday if you don't like the campus. 

As for the rest, it isn't my place to comment on what you should or shouldn't do, I only find the driving just to check out the campus part very strange.

jamesrwrightiii · Answer

I know it's strange for me to drive 760 miles to check out the campus, but I was not even sure what was going on, if i was going to be attending school, etc, earlier in the summer/late spring. I was not doing well mentally due to all of the things that were going on in my family. I became depressed, plus I had my own health situation to deal with..so needless to say, I was way behind schedule. I just finally started feeling better at the beginning of this month so that is why I was behind. In all sincerity, these past 4 months were the worst months of my life..I am not a huge fan of air travel, but I could not have done air anyways since I had to have all of my stuff there ASAP. Actually I did continue on..I figured what the hell..I got to Indianapolis when I noticed my car making noises when I was stopping/slowing down/turning..Indy was the half way point...I would have had another 5.5 hours to go according to my GPS..I had already driven two hours... I stopped at a Pep Boys..they said I needed four new brakes, and I needed two front wheel bearings..they I could have a mechical failure and cause an accident so needless to say, I had to get my car fixed ASAPand that really did force me to turn around. I was completely exhausted from sitting in the waiting room there all day, and they did not finish up my car until close to 8:30...and 1500 dollars later..

I tried to get them to get it done quicker, but there was nothing I could do. There was no way I could drive another 5.5 hours that night. ..if I did make there, I would have had to go to bed right awayand then tried to see the campus in the morning for an hour at the most, and if I did not like it..would have had to leave ASAP..There are.major traffic backups going eastbound. taking into account rest stops, eating, getting gas, etc, that would have meant at least 15-16 hours of ACTUAL TIME ON THE ROAD. That would be superhuman to say the least..not even professional truck drivers are that much time driving in a 24 hour period. They are only allowed to drive 14 in a 24 hour period..not that it makes that much of a difference, but the trip was actually 760 miles..not 700..add about another hour two travel time..going 70 miles an hour the entire time it would have taken me 11 hours...but as I said..that was not including the traffic situation with construction, speed traps, eating, peeing, gas, etc The thing that makes me angry is my car was just inspected in March..it passed inspection..I am not sure if the mechanic was smoking crack or something, but I only put another 2500 miles on the car since March..I find it hard to believe all of that stuff could have worn out without being driven more than some token miles, but that is what happened so I will just have to go next year.. To anyone who says I should have continued on with bad wheel bearings, I was not in the mood to die. Wheel bearing failure can cause a wheel to fall off..I did not want to flip over and get hit by an 18 wheeler..or careen out of control On the positive side, I visited OSU on my way back, and really liked the campus. I didn't realize it was that nice..I may apply there next year..

Moving Anxiety-Not Sure How to Deal With It=Freaking Out

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