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14 Dec 2010, 14:11
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Hey guys,
I have read quite a lot in this awesome forum and I eventually decided to become a member as well. As probably most of you, I started preparing for the TOEFL and want to do the GMAT afterwards.
Could someone please read my essay and give me an indication of whether it is good or not and what I can improve. Thank you so much in advance.
Topic: "Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer."
Some people prefer to live in big cities, whereas others see more advantages in living in a small town. I clearly prefer to live in a big city due to several reasons.
First of all, a big city offers so much more to do. Living in a city with a decent size means that there are sufficient facilities such as museums, cinemas and other places available to the public. These places offer a large variety of activities and hence the probability of being bored decreases drastically. For instance, if someone is lonely in his or her apartment the person might just go out and enjoy the city life, whereas a person in a small town would probably only be able to go for a walk. So, it should be clear that a big city provides more opportunities and activities than a small town.
Another reason for living in a big city is the infrastructure. Usually, there are lots of train and subway routes, buses and other ways to quickly get from one place to another. In the contrary, you always need a car for pretty much everything you do in a small town. For example, if you wish to visit a friend in a different part of the city you just go to the closest subway station, take the next train and are at your friend’s place in time. The extraordinary opportunities to get from one place to another in a big city are real advantages as you do not even need to have a car and hence save a lot of money on fuel, insurances and so on.
The most important reason is probably the close proximity within a big city. No matter what you like to do and no matter where you want to go, everything is only a couple of minutes away from you. If you, for example, decide to go to the movies late in the evening and you live in a small town, it is very likely that you won’t be in the cinema on time due to the long time it takes to get to it. On the other hand, if you live in a big city you call a friend, arrange a meeting point and finally meet a few minutes later.
To summarize, there are different arguments to the issue above, but it should become obvious that reasons for living in a big city outweigh the opponent’s reasons. Not only the large variety of activities and the superb infrastructure but also the close proximity to all kinds of facilities showed the advantages of living in a big city.
Cheers
PeterPaul
I have read quite a lot in this awesome forum and I eventually decided to become a member as well. As probably most of you, I started preparing for the TOEFL and want to do the GMAT afterwards.
Could someone please read my essay and give me an indication of whether it is good or not and what I can improve. Thank you so much in advance.
Topic: "Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer."
Some people prefer to live in big cities, whereas others see more advantages in living in a small town. I clearly prefer to live in a big city due to several reasons.
First of all, a big city offers so much more to do. Living in a city with a decent size means that there are sufficient facilities such as museums, cinemas and other places available to the public. These places offer a large variety of activities and hence the probability of being bored decreases drastically. For instance, if someone is lonely in his or her apartment the person might just go out and enjoy the city life, whereas a person in a small town would probably only be able to go for a walk. So, it should be clear that a big city provides more opportunities and activities than a small town.
Another reason for living in a big city is the infrastructure. Usually, there are lots of train and subway routes, buses and other ways to quickly get from one place to another. In the contrary, you always need a car for pretty much everything you do in a small town. For example, if you wish to visit a friend in a different part of the city you just go to the closest subway station, take the next train and are at your friend’s place in time. The extraordinary opportunities to get from one place to another in a big city are real advantages as you do not even need to have a car and hence save a lot of money on fuel, insurances and so on.
The most important reason is probably the close proximity within a big city. No matter what you like to do and no matter where you want to go, everything is only a couple of minutes away from you. If you, for example, decide to go to the movies late in the evening and you live in a small town, it is very likely that you won’t be in the cinema on time due to the long time it takes to get to it. On the other hand, if you live in a big city you call a friend, arrange a meeting point and finally meet a few minutes later.
To summarize, there are different arguments to the issue above, but it should become obvious that reasons for living in a big city outweigh the opponent’s reasons. Not only the large variety of activities and the superb infrastructure but also the close proximity to all kinds of facilities showed the advantages of living in a big city.
Cheers
PeterPaul
14 Dec 2010, 20:39
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Hi PeterPaul, welcome to GMAT Club!
My opinion about your essay:
I think the ideas are OK but a bit overlapped. You could have talked, for example, about job opportunities/career progress/diversity.
The structure is good, and your writing style is also good. I would score > 25 for sure. I scored 29 with something similar.
BTW, I see some mistakes, such as:
"more advantages in living" ---> more advantages of living
"I clearly prefer to live" ---> living
"First of all, a big city offers so much more to do." more what? things/activities?
"In the contrary" --> On the contrary
and some others
Good luck and see you around!
PS: I'm not an expert!
My opinion about your essay:
I think the ideas are OK but a bit overlapped. You could have talked, for example, about job opportunities/career progress/diversity.
The structure is good, and your writing style is also good. I would score > 25 for sure. I scored 29 with something similar.
BTW, I see some mistakes, such as:
"more advantages in living" ---> more advantages of living
"I clearly prefer to live" ---> living
"First of all, a big city offers so much more to do." more what? things/activities?
"In the contrary" --> On the contrary
and some others
Good luck and see you around!
PS: I'm not an expert!
15 Dec 2010, 02:34
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hey rid82,
thank you very much for the welcome and your opinion on my essay.
I totally got your point. Indeed, I could have thought about a wider range of reasons. Especially the last two reasons are overlapped. A general question: Are the reasons I state relevant for my score though?
In your opinion, what can I do in order to perform better? I mean, you scored W29, right?! ^^
Again, thank you a lot for your quick response.
Cheers
PeterPaul
thank you very much for the welcome and your opinion on my essay.
I totally got your point. Indeed, I could have thought about a wider range of reasons. Especially the last two reasons are overlapped. A general question: Are the reasons I state relevant for my score though?
In your opinion, what can I do in order to perform better? I mean, you scored W29, right?! ^^
Again, thank you a lot for your quick response.
Cheers
PeterPaul
