Thank you. I appreciate and agree with your feedback. Below is my second go around. Let me know what you think.
“This year, despite HomeStyle’s move to new office space, we have seen a decline in both company morale and productivity, and a corresponding increase in administrative costs. To rectify these problems, we should begin using a newly developed software package for performance appraisal and feedback. Managers will save time by simply choosing comments from a preexisting list; then the software will automatically generate feedback for the employee. The human resources department at CounterBalance, the manufacturer of the countertops we install, reports satisfaction with the package.”
The author concludes that a new software package for performance appraisal and feedback should be used by HomeStyle. To support this conclusion, the author talks about the decline in both company morale and productivity and a corresponding increase in administrative costs despite moving to a new office space. The author further provides the advantages of the software such as less time will be needed for the managers to fill out the feedback comments and that CounterBalance's human resource department reports satisfaction with the package. The author's evidence is unconvincing for two main reasons.
In the first place, the author assumes that the decline in company morale and productivity is due to the currently inefficient appraisal and feedback process. This assumption is unconvincing. There could be other factors that could decrease the company morale and productivity. One of the factors could be the move to the new office space. The new place might not be in a good location thus not giving a boost to the employees to work. On the other hand, the new place might be quite far for average employees to commute everyday and hence decreasing their productivity at work as the time to commute can be exhausting.
In the second place, the author assumes that the increase in administrative costs is due to the fact that managers spend a lot of time filling out the feedback for the employees under the current process. This assumption is unconvincing. Even though inefficient feedback process (an administrative work according to the author) can increase the administrative cost, there could be other factors driving this cost higher. The move to the new office place could be one of them. As the office place is new, administrative work such as filling, organizing etc. that took less time at the old office place could potentially consume a lot of time at the new place as the employees doing this work are not use to the new environment.
In conclusion, the author's reasoning for the change to the developed software package is unconvincing. To strengthen this argument, the author will need to provide more facts such as the move to the new place was a choice of the employees and that the only administrative work that takes place in the office is filling out feedback forms. Without these facts, the reasoning to switch to the new software package stays unconvincing.