A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service reveal

Question

32. The following appeared in the editorial section of a West Cambria newspaper.
“A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service revealed a longer average response time to accidents than was reported by a commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. In order to provide better patient care for accident victims and to raise revenue for our town by collecting service fees for ambulance use, we should disband our volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

My response

The author's conclusion in the given argument is that in order to provide better patient care the volunteer ambulance service be disbanded and a new commercial ambulance service be hired. To accomplish the aforementioned goal the author also suggests that a service fees be charged for ambulance use. However, the argument is not convincing for a couple of reasons.

First, to justify the need for a commercial ambulance service,the author cites a review, which reveals that the average response time of volunteer ambulance service in west cambria is lower than the response time of commercial ambulance service in east cambria. But author fails to consider that the response time being compared is of different regions and factors such as traffic congestion may cause response time of one region to be more than that of the other region. Also by comparing only the response time author might be overlooking other important criterias such as the advanced life saving equipment present on-board the ambulance. It might be the case that the volunteer service ambulance's are more advanced and provide these features which might have more impact on patient care than the response time.

Second, the author suggests that in order to achieve the goal of using commercial ambulance service, a fee be charged, but the author fails to provide additional support that whether people in west cambria can afford the fee that is going to be charged. It might be the case that people in west cambria cannot actually afford this fee and hence must rely on the volunteer service.

In light of the above, i feel that argument is not convincing and it can be strengthened if the author can provide more reasons to support his conclusion and address the concerns raised above.

brianlange77 · Answer

IMHO, I think this probably falls somewhere between a 3.5 and a 4.0. There are some word errors -- 'a service fees be charged'; there are some run-on sentences; and, it would be great if your argument had three main points of equal length. Yours has only two, and the second argument is much shorter than the first.

Feel free to try again and I'd be happy to take a look.

Thanks.

-Brian

Feel free to try again and I'd be happy to take a look.

Thanks.

-Brian

ramannanda9 · Answer

Here another shot at it !

The author's conclusion in the given argument is that in order to provide better patient care the volunteer ambulance service be disbanded and a new commercial ambulance service be hired. To accomplish the aforementioned goal the author also suggests that a service fees be charged for ambulance use. However, the argument is not convincing for a couple of reasons.

First, to justify the need for a commercial ambulance service,the author cites a review, which reveals that the average response time of volunteer ambulance service in west cambria is lower than the response time of commercial ambulance service in east cambria. The author though fails to consider that the response time being compared is of different regions and factors such as traffic congestion, poor road infrastructure may cause response time of one region to be more than that of the other region,causing the response time of ambulance service in west cambria to be higher than the response time of commercial ambulance service in east cambria.

Second, the author suggests that a service fees be charged in order to raise revenue for the introduction of commercial ambulance service, but the author fails to provide additional support that whether people in west cambria can afford the fee that is going to be charged. If the people in west cambria cannot afford the service fee for ambulance use and the volunteer service is also disbanded, they will not be able to use either of the ambulance service. The scenario mentioned is actually much worse than having to bear with low response time of existing ambulance service.

Finally, by comparing only the response time author might be overlooking other important criterias such as the advanced life saving equipment present on-board the ambulance. It might be the case that the ambulances currently being used in west cambria are more advanced with respect to such features than the ambulances being used in east cambria. If true,the mentioned scenario strongly suggests that people will be better off by using the existing volunteer ambulance service than by using the commercial ambulance service.

In light of the above, i feel that argument is not convincing and it can be strengthened if the author can provide more reasons in support of his conclusion and address the concerns as raised above.

SagarBairagi · Answer

The following appeared in the editorial section of a West Cambria newspaper:

“A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service revealed a longer average response time to accidents than was reported by a commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. In order to provide better patient care for accident victims and to raise revenue for our town by collecting service fees for ambulance use, we should disband our volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Answer:

This argument is about ambulance service in two area, West Cambria and East Cambria. In West Cambria Volunteer ambulance service takes longer average response time for accidents than commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. Based upon this assumption the author conclude that to provide better service for accidents victims and to raise revenue, West Cambria should stop volunteer service and hire commercial service. Here the author has failed to provide sufficient evidence to support his argument.

Firstly, the author is comparing volunteer service with commercial service. Volunteer service is might be provided by any NGO, public service or any other govt service. Commercial service is been given by private organization or private hospitals. So we don’t know which type ambulance they are using, whether they are using different models or whether one is using latest ambulance model with all features and other one is using old one. Again the average response time in two area we don’t know the statistics. If East Cambria area is smaller than West Cambria then East Cambria may have good response time.

Secondly, If West Cambria is proving ambulance service voluntarily then why would they will think for revenue generation. If any NGO as sponsored the ambulance they will donate more money to give its service at best. As East Cambria is already running a commercial ambulance service then but obvious they will give their best service to customer and they will plan for good revenue generation plan. So, the author’s comparison is weaken here.

Lastly, the author mention that if West Cambria should raise its revenue and switch to commercial service. If they will switch to commercial service then people might use any other private service rather than West Cambria. If West Cambria provide ambulance service with basic facility and any other ambulance service provide more facility with less rate than customer will go to private ambulance service instated of West Cambria.

However, the author failed to relate many things which makes his/her argument weak has he/her failed to provide sufficient evidence to support his/her argument. He/her should have never compare volunteer and commercial service and also it clearly stated that volunteer service are not for commercial use. Then too he conclude that West Cambria should switch to commercial plan to raise their revenue which is not logical.

donu · Answer

Sajjad1994   Please help me review my essay thanks!:

The argument in the editorial section of the newspaper proposes that West Cambira should discontinue its volunteer ambulance service and replace it with a commercial ambulance service because the volunteer service in the community has an longer average response time than the commercial service in East Cambria. The argument concludes that the aforementioned course of action will allow for better patient care for accident victims and for increased revenue for the town. This argument is flawed because it relies on several assumptions and fails to consider key factors that are necessary in drawing its conclusion therefore, it is weak and unconvincing.

First, the argument is flawed because it assumes that the longer response time in West Cambria is due to the fact that the town uses a volunteer service. However, the argument provides no support for such an assumption. The differences in response time could be as a result of the differences in West and East Cambria. For example, the West may have certain characterisitics such greater traffic congestion, poor roads and road networks, and unfavorable weather that could all contribute to the slower reponse to incidents. With such circumstances, switching to a commercial ambulance service may not reduce the response time and may not allow the commercial service to offer better patient care for accident victims therefore, the argument is flawed. The argument could be strengthened by showing that West Cambria does not experience circumstances that reduce the response time and by showing that a longer response time can be attributed solely to the volunteer ambulance service.

In addition, the argument is flawed because it seems to equate faster response to better patient care. This is a weak comparison because services that offer a quick response may offer poor patient care, while services that offer a slower response may provide spectular patient care. For instance, even if the volunteer service takes a longer time to respond, the volunteers may show more care and compassion to patients than paid professionals would which could translate to much better patient care and satisfaction than a commercial service could offer. Furthermore, if the volunteer service has more staff than the commercial service, it may be able to offer better and more thorough care to victims of accidents. The argument could be made more convincing if it were to show that commercial services offer better patient care because its staff are better trained and perform patient care more frequently than volunteer staff.

Lastly, the argument is weak because it suggests the solution in West Cambria is to disband volunteer service and hire commercial services. However, a better solution could be for the town to keep the volunteer service and hire commercial staff so that both services can support and supplement one another in providing patient care.

In conclusion, this argument is flawed because of the aforementioned reasons. It can be considerably strenghtened by providing evidence to support its assertions and by considering other key factors. However, because the argument does not do so, it is flawed and open to debate.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5.5/6
The essay has a clear and logical structure with a strong thesis statement, and each paragraph presents a clear argument. The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, and the writer uses effective linking words and phrases to connect the ideas.

Anatomy: 5/6
The essay has an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a well-structured format for an analytical essay. The writer presents a clear thesis statement and develops each argument in a separate paragraph. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed explanation of the counterexamples that could weaken the argument.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5.5/6
Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, which is followed by supporting details and evidence. The writer uses effective examples to illustrate the points made in each paragraph. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and restates the thesis.

Language and Grammar: 6/6
The writer uses clear and concise language throughout the essay, which effectively conveys their arguments. The essay is free of grammatical errors, and the writer demonstrates a strong command of sentence structure and vocabulary.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5.5/6
The writer uses a varied and appropriate range of vocabulary throughout the essay, which enhances the clarity and coherence of the arguments. The essay could benefit from more sophisticated word choices and expressions to further strengthen the arguments.

Overall, the essay is well-written and effectively analyzes the argument presented in the newspaper editorial. The writer presents a strong case against the proposed course of action and provides compelling evidence to support their arguments. The essay could benefit from more detailed counterexamples and more sophisticated vocabulary choices, but overall, it is a well-structured and well-written piece of analytical writing.

bizcat · Answer

Hello! Can someone please help me to review my essay below, and provide tips for improvement:

The argument claims that the town of West Cambria should disband its existing volunteer ambulance service and hire a commercial ambulance service to replace it. The desired objectives of this plan would be not only to provide better patient care for accident victims, but also to increase West Cambria’s revenue. The author makes several flawed assumptions in coming to this conclusion, and therefore this argument is unsubstantiated by its accompanying premises.

Firstly, the author assumes that the difference in response times between West Cambria and East Cambria’s ambulance services are due to their commercial and volunteer nature, respectively, but provides no evidence to support this claim. Indeed, it could be the case that there are other factors in West Cambria that increase an ambulance’s response time, and that these factors would persist even if the author’s plan was adopted. For example, if West Cambria has far fewer hospitals in its main city center, where majority of its residents live, compared to East Cambria, then simply switching a volunteer ambulance service for a commercial one would not resolve the issue. Similarly, if West Cambria has twice as much traffic as East Cambria, then it is possible that the difference in response times is due to traffic, rather than the ambulance services themselves. Therefore, in making the assumption that the difference in response times is due to the ambulance service’s volunteer nature, the argument ignores the very real possibility that it could be due to another factors that would not be addressed by the proposed plan.

Another misguided assumption made by the author is that the service fees collected for ambulance use in West Cambria would be significantly greater than the cost of hiring a commercial ambulance service. Of course, if the ambulance service were to cost much more than the service fees that the town is able to raise, then the town’s revenue would not increase. This is very much a possibility, considering that West Cambria currently has a volunteer ambulance service. Thus, it is possible that the town’s residents would not be able to afford substantial service fees and minimal revenue would be raised from implementing them. As a result, one of the two key objectives of the plan would not be met, and therefore the conclusion would be weakened.

In conclusion, the claim made in West Cambria’s newspaper relies on flawed assumptions, which, when analyzed, reveal the weak nature of the conclusion. Due to the reasons mentioned above, it is a very real possibility that both objectives of the proposed plan – providing better patient care and raising revenue by collecting service fees for ambulance use – are not achieved. Given that West Cambria’s higher response times could be due to a variety of other factors, such as fewer hospitals or higher traffic, knowing the response times of West Cambria’s volunteer ambulance service when operating in East Cambria would be helpful in evaluating the argument. Such data would control for the differences between the two towns, and isolate the differences between the volunteer and commercial ambulance services. Moreover, a poll of how much residents would be willing to pay in ambulance service fees would help to substantiate the claim that a commercial ambulance service would help to raise revenue for the town of West Cambria.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6

Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5/6
The essay displays a high level of coherence and connectivity throughout. Each paragraph is logically connected to the preceding one, and the overall flow of ideas is smooth and easy to follow. Transitions between paragraphs are generally effective in guiding the reader through the analysis. However, in a few instances, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be slightly smoother.

Word Structure: 6/6
The essay employs a varied and appropriate range of vocabulary and sentence structures. There are no instances of awkward phrasing or overly complex sentences that hinder comprehension. The writer's language usage is clear and precise, enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5.5/6
The essay is well-organized into coherent paragraphs, each addressing a specific point or aspect of the argument. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. However, the final paragraph could have been a bit stronger by summarizing the main weaknesses of the argument and reiterating the need for additional evidence and considerations.

Language and Grammar: 5.5/6
The essay demonstrates strong language and grammar skills. Sentences are properly structured, and there are no significant grammatical errors that impede understanding. However, there are a few minor errors, such as a missing comma in the second sentence of the third paragraph ("if the ambulance service were to cost much more than the service fees that the town is able to raise then the town’s revenue would not increase").

Vocabulary and Word Expression: 6/6
The vocabulary and word expression are appropriate and sophisticated, contributing to the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. The writer uses precise language to convey their ideas and effectively analyzes the argument's flaws.

Overall, the essay provides a well-structured analysis of the given argument. It effectively identifies the flawed assumptions in the argument and suggests possible alternative explanations. The writing is clear, thoughtful, and substantiated by examples. The minor improvements mentioned above would enhance the essay's overall effectiveness even further. The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the elements required for a coherent and persuasive analytical writing piece.

A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service reveal

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