ok, so it has been a while since last time I wrote an essay. this is my first try to write an essay for the AWA. I have timed myself and managed to write it in less than 30 minutes, and thus I had few minutes to re-read it. I would be thankful if someone read it, and of course express opinions on how well structured my essay is, and how I can improve it.
OG 15 (C)
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:
“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects.
The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive
achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to
buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the
curriculum.”
Discuss how well reasoned … etc.
The argument’s conclusion is based on assumptions that can be erroneous. The author fails to take into account other factors that might have made students decide to go to College or University. Furthermore, no evidence is provided to support the argument’s premise that no additional funding is needed for improving the quality of education.
The world is constantly changing. During the last 20 years, the economic situation of the region where Einstein High School is located might have changed. We can assume that the need of having a College Degree or University Degree, in order to be more competitive in the job market, has increased. If true, then it is not the school’s merit that more students pursue a College or University Degree.
The author mentions that no additional funds should be allocated in order to improve the educational effectiveness, however he does not provide details whether the quality of education has improved or not. If the school’s funding is not increased, some of the best teachers might become frustrated that they are not enough financially motivated, and leave teaching for other practices. As a result, the quality of education can decrease.
Taking into account above mentioned critics, we can conclude that the author of the argument could have used more facts in order to strengthen the conclusion, which is based on flawed assumptions. If the author included such pieces of information as details of the economic situation of the families of the students that have graduated during the recent 20 years, then the conclusion could be valid, and therefore attribute this success to the improvement of the quality of education.
I am concerned of the nr of words here..but in OG, I have seen that essays rated 6 are around 300-350 words...