Disc Depot and Carlo’s Clothing

Question

Someone Please rate my essay!

The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Carlo’s Clothing to the staff:

“Since Disc Depot, the music store on the next block, began a new radio advertising campaign last year, its business has grown dramatically, as evidenced by the large increase in foot traffic into the store. While the Disc Depot’s owners have apparently become wealthy enough to retire, profits at Carlo’s Clothing have remained stagnant for the past three years. In order to boost our sales and profits, we should therefore switch from newspaper advertising to frequent radio advertisements like those for Disc Depot.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Answer:

The author concludes that Carlo’s clothing can certainly increase its profitability due to change in advertising media from News Paper to Radio. The author support his conclusion with Disc Depot’s business, which increased last year due to Radio Advertising. Here author completely failed to support his conclusion and his assumption are flawed. Below we can see which things author overlooked.

Firstly, this argument is based on flawed assumption which author makes about Carlo’s Clothing and Disc Depot that have same media access. This both business has different customer segments, so they have different market approach. Music Store needs Radio Ad because their targeted audience can listen to music. However Carlo’s Clothing brand need visual ad so newspaper advertisement is most suitable for their targeted customer. Here author failed to support relation between both these businesses. 
 
 Secondly, the author mention that the due to large footfall last year in Music Depot their profitable increased. There might be the chances that last year there was hit songs or other famous music launch due to which the footfall have increased. Author also mention that last year it was in profit he didn’t mention about any other past year loss or profit. Music Depot might be in lost 2 years then Carlo’s Clothing. So it is very unpredictable that switching to Radio Ad will also increase customer for Carlo’s Clothing.

Finally, the owner of Carlo’s Clothing expressed that they have remain stagnant for the last three years. But the disc depot have started advertisement last year. Therefore even though Carlo’s Clothing change their way of advertising it may probably not improve their business. The owner of Carlo’s Clothing should take into account others factors that had influenced the low profits for the three years. For example, the competitors surrounding Carlo's Clothing might have better prices or better service than that of Carlo's Clothing. As a result, the author should re-examine other reasons that can explain the stagnant profits at Carlo's Clothing. 
 
 The argument is mistaken because it is based on wrong assumption. The author wrongly assumed that a music store and a clothing store are same. Moreover he failed to differentiate between the purposes of two different advertisement.

CrackverbalGMAT · Answer

there are several grammar errors in the essay -

increase its profitability due to change in advertising media - usage of due to is incorrect. It serves as noun modifier.
The author support his conclusion - I think you meant "supports".
increased last year due to Radio Advertising - usage of "due to" is incorrect.
and his assumption are flawed - i think you meant assumptions
flawed assumption which author makes about - "which" must be separated by commas.
Carlo’s Clothing and Disc Depot that have same media access - How do you know whether they have the same media access?
This both business has different customer segments - this sentence does not make any sense
Carlo’s Clothing brand need - Carlo's clothing is singular.
the author mention -subject verb agreement error.
There might be the chances - 'the chances' is incorrect
Music Depot might be in lost 2 years then Carlo’s Clothing. - does not make any sense.
that they have remain stagnant - How can Carlo's clothing remain stagnant? Probably you meant its business.
the disc depot have - disc depot is singular.
the competitors surrounding Carlo's Clothing - Are they literally surrounding Carlo's clothing.

You have made some good points in your essay.
However, you need to improve your grammar, especially the basics.
You can refer to this ebook for some basic concepts in grammar -
https://www.dropbox.com/s/v9ca2rsjee0ay ... y.pdf?dl=0

SagarBairagi · Answer

Thank You so much for taking out time to review this and giving me your valuable suggestions. Surely I will work on my basics.

Rishikasaini2807 · Answer

can someone plz rate mine.

“The Clio Development Group’s plan for a multilevel parking garage on Dock Street should be approved in order to strengthen the economy of the surrounding area. Although most of the buildings on the block would have to be demolished, they are among the oldest in the city and thus of little current economic value. Those who oppose the project should realize that historic preservation cannot be the only consideration: even Athens or Jerusalem will knock down old buildings to put up new ones that improve the local economy.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The author concludes that to strengthen the economy of the surrounding area the Clio development is planning to build multilevel garage by demolishing old buildings in its neighborhood. The author draws the conclusion with the Athens and Jerusalem as an example to support the statement. Here the author not only overlooked the possibility of other elements but also based it on fail assumptions.

First, this argument is based on flawed assumption that multilevel garage can uplift the economy of the surrounding area without giving emphasis on other factors. For instance, if it’s a society area then investing on infrastructure of garage will create hectic and disturbance for the society members its will seldomly of any use to them in comparison with commercial area. Negligence of other substitute of garage made this statement flawed.

Second, the author mention that the old block contributes little current economic value. There might be a chance of some disbalance in the equilibrium of the market which result into downfall of its economic value or maybe they accumulated low value in a particular year and its overall performance is better than 50% of the new companies situated in the locality. Since, the author didn’t take such consideration is drawing the conclusion, his argument is flawed.

Third, the author supports his conclusion by giving the examples of demolished old building in Athens and Jerusalem. But here the author speaks about impending to demolish those building. Thus, this gives the possibility that those building might or might not be bomb shed and people of Athens will preserve those building-like studios for filming movies and shows, this will bring encourage tourism and will bring income to the government.
The argument could be strengthened if the author has taken other factors into account and not concluded the argument on mere assumptions.

Disc Depot and Carlo’s Clothing

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