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Question

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The argument claims that the parent should send their children to the Federville Farms. A recent survey shows that the Federvill Farms is ranked number one in both overall satisfaction and in food quality, and also second in the variety of outdoor activities. The article, therefore, concludes that this summer camp is the best choice by taking the results on account and also that the camp is family owned and that employs the most Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. Stated in this way, the argument is flawed and does not take other factors in account.

First, the argument is based primarily on the ranking number of one recent survey. Although the survey shows that the camp is the first in two categories and second in an other one, it could include more categories than only three. For example, we could have the level of infrastructure or the quality of the personal employed by the camp. The article could simply not mention that the Federville Farms is ranked lower in this categories and therefore it biases that view of the reader. In addition, the survey may be biased if the respondent were mainly visitor of this camp or even the person working there.

Secondly, the argument stated that the Federville Farms is family owned and operated for over 40 years. Does it mean that the parents have nothing to worry for their children? We cannot assume that the son or the grandson of the first owner could perform in the same way than their parents or grand-parents. Furthermore, the article does not talk about the family and therefore we know nothing about the family. They could be very bad with the children and therefore does a family operated since forty years could be safe for the children?

Finally, the article concludes that the Federville Farms is the best choice if the parent seek the best camp experience for you children. Does every children experience the same than the others? The answer is No. For example, some children could prefer to play sports such as soccer or tennis during their summer camp and some others would prefer to make excursions because no one has the same interests. In addition, the survey stated that the Federville Farms is ranked second in the variety of outdoor activities, but it means that an another camp could have more variety of activities. The other camps could have other activities that the Federville Farms could not have and therefore it could satisfy other children.

In summary, the article is flawed by the arguments mentioned above. The author could strengthen his arguments by providing more information about the camp and not only assumes that is the best only based on the ranking from one survey.

Carcass · Answer

At least 4.5 on a grading scale. Well done. See here for further insights https://gmatclub.com/forum/gmatclub-gui ... l#p1822293 Almost complete. regards

Someonelse · Answer

My impression is 5.0, very good.

The length of the essay is good, there are few grammatical errors. The introduction is good. The conclusion could have been more specific (and less of a template).

In the second body paragraph the conclusion that is criticized (family owned->safety) is not stated.

The use of rhetorical questions makes the read more interesting in my opinion, however they should not be overused.

Please don't take my feedback for face value as I am still a learner myself.

varunjoshi31 · Answer

LHC8717  : Co incidentally, I also wrote the same AWA yesterday which was my first one as well.

Things I felt you missed are :

1. Analyze what comprises of a "good camping experience" for parents
2. There is an explicit mention of security, you could have highlighted its weakness

I would rate you around 4.5, again I am not an expert in AWA.

Please find my AWA on the samew topic below. Would request all to rate my AWA and provide their inputs/suggestions :

The argument makes a tall claim that Federville Farms is the number one summer camp company and undoubtedly provide the best camp experience to the children. However, this claim seems to be manipulated by points which makes the parents believe without taking a holistic view of what defines a good camping experience.

Firstly, the argument fails to define what parents look in a good camping experience. Certainly a good camping experience constitutes good food, safety and variety of outdoor activities but it cannot be limited to them. Parents generally would like to have a holistic experience not limited only to the factors mentioned and make their children learn new things which a traditional teaching environment fails to teach : experience nature , bonding with new kids from different strata of the society , imbibe team spirit and experience small happiness which we lack in a materialistic world. We are unable to conclude if Federville Farms would be able to meet all these criteria. Also, Federville Farms uses the survey to strengthen its claim, however the authenticity of the survey is a big question.

Further, the argument claims to be extremely safe and reliable since its a family owned company, been in the business since last 40 years and has more red cross life guards than any other camp in the state. But these factors are not enough to safely conclude that its safe. There have been several examples of family owned companies running adventure sports where there have been major accidental mishaps. Also, Federville Farms might have the maximum life guards, but its important to ascertain the ratio of life guard to children in the camp. There could be a scenario where they might have the maximum count but the ratio of life guards to children is very low.

To conclude, it would have been good if we could consider additional factors like how parents define the overall camping experience, market research pointers on safety to evaluate the argument in more detail.

LHC8717 · Answer

Hi, thank you guys for the input ! varunjoshi31 I would rate your between 4,5 and 5 (I am not an expert too

) I really like the introduction which is clear and simple and also the first argument which has good example. You could maybe add a third argument with the survey for example to have a longer text and make the conclusion a bit longer (that i missed too) A last thing, I don't know if I am right, but in an essay i would prefer to write it is than its.

varunjoshi31 · Answer

LHC8717 - Thanks for your feedback and suggestions. I will try to keep them in mind while writing my next AWA. To be honest, I was falling short of time and hence could not build argument 3 and the conclusion well

I have sent you a PM as well.

Please rate my essay!

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