Please evaluate my writing as well.
The following appeared as part of a campaign to sell advertising time on a local radio station to local businesses:
“The Cumquat Café began advertising on our local radio station this year and was delighted to see its business
increase by 10 percent over last year’s totals. Their success shows you how you can use radio advertising to make
your business more profitable.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
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MY RESPONSE
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In the campaign, radio station invites local businesses to advertise on its channel in order to make better profits in their businesses. Campaign supports its claim by presenting the example of Cumquat Café. It says that after Cumquat Café started to advertise on local radio station this year, its business increased by 10%. However, concluding that increase in profit of Cumquat Café is solely because of advertising on radio channel is flawed and questionable in several respects.
Firstly, campaign does not provide any evidence that the radio advertising helped cafe to attract more customers or orders. This information is crucial to clarify the role of radio advertising in enhacing the visibility of a business. Secondly, it is possible that other factors like changes done in cafe menu, providing free home delivery or new customer services, other strategic changes in management or staff etc. are partly/fully responsible for the increase in business. So, the author may consider to include some survey results conducted on customers of Cumquat Café to prove the role of radio advertising in enhancing businesses.
Additionally, inviting all kinds of businesses based on success of a cafe is a hasty generalization. There is no background provided in the campaign that supports benefits of radio advertising for all businesses in general.
In conclusion, the campaign as such is quite unconvincing and lacks any supporting data. Hence, including evidence on the role of radio advertising and its extent in improving the business of Cumquat Café would support the claims made in campaign. Author may consider referring to survey results carried out on Cumquat Café's customers as an evidence. Also, including examples other than Cumquat Café, would help campaign to address general businesses.