Any feedback or suggestions are deeply appreciated! This one was from a Manhattan exam.
---
The following appeared in a proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event:
"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
---
Your Response:
The argument states that the school will be able to charge a higher entrance fee for this year's School Fair, while also increasing the commission earned on the vendor's revenues. In order to achieve this result, the plan consists on having large and more thrilling rides, such as a bigger ferris wheel, and having a variety of upscale international dishes. The argument is deeply flawed and takes huge leaps of faith, without providing strong evidence to back up its claims.
First, the author claims that the visitors of the School Fair would be willing to pay a higher amount of money for these additional benefits. While more thrilling rides and more food variety may interest some audiences, the author doesn't provide any knowledge regarding who are the fair visitors and what are their interests or financial status, which are extremely important in order to properly analyse the proposed strategy. If children are the main audience, having sophisticated international dishes instead of the usual food showcased by the food stalls may even decrease revenue, since they would probably prefer to stick to food they already know.
Second, focusing only on increasing revenue is a weak strategy, since the cost of organizing the School Fair is going to increase in comparison to last year's fair. For instance, the costs needed to increase the size and thrill of the rides may be higher than the additional profit provided by the higher entrance fee, resulting in a lower overall revenue. The author fails to convey whether this was taken into consideration and focuses only on a possible revenue increase. Consequently, the argument's conclusion doesn't stand on its legs.
In conclusion, the argument is very weak and shallow and the author doesn't provide evidence to support the conclusion. In order to properly assess the merit of the proposed strategy, it is necessary to have the full context surrounding the situation. In this case, further information could strengthen the argument, such as deeper knowledge regarding the School Fair audience and a profit analysis considering additional costs that result from this plan.