The city dwellers have been long perplexed by the apathy of the admin

Question

"The city dwellers have been long perplexed by the apathy of the administration towards the deteriorating quality of air. Not anymore. It has been only three months since the new Mayor took charge and the level of three major pollutants has declined by 15%. Further, the cases of COPD, the most common disease known to be triggered by air pollution, has declined by 10%. During this span, daily commuters have reported significant reduction in their travel time and a wider variety of bird species has been reported seen. Clearly, the new administration cares about air quality and the city shall breath increasingly better quality of air in future."

The argument claims that the city has a deteriorating air quality and the administration had done nothing about it. Then author concludes by asserting that the new administration and the new mayor cares about the air quality of the city and since they have come into power the quality of air has improved. This argument relies on several underlying assumptions for which there is no clear evidence.

First, the argument readily assumes that the new administration has taken decisions which have helped the air quality of the city. The argument does not state this, it might be the case in which the old management had implemented several policies before moving out of power and those policies have helped achieve the reduction in numbers which are stated in the argument. If author had stated who initiated the policies and when they were implemented the argument would have been more sound.

Second, the author claims that the locals have seen a reduction in travel time and a wider variety of bird species, however there can be other factors than pollution which can cause these effects. Two main factors which the author has not included in his evaluation of the argument are seasonal changes and infrastructure development. For example, the spring season is going on in the city which is a favorable season for migratory birds to come and this can explain why the citizens have seen a wider variety of bird species. The travel time can be reduced by improvement in the roads and public transport of the city.

Third, the argument fails to mention the underlying causes of pollution in the city and the economic factors which can play an important role in the quality of air. For example, the air pollution in the city is mostly caused by factories but due to a bad economic situation few of the large factories have temporarily reduced production or have shut down. This implies that the new administration has nothing to do with the reduction in pollution. If the author had explicitly provided some causes of pollution the argument would have been much clearer.

This argument is not clear and has many ambiguous assumptions which cannot be verified due to lack of evidence and information. Hence, this argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 3/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5  
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

yashrajrathi20 · Answer

Hey, thanks for your reply. I have been constantly scoring 4.5-5 AWA and mostly I am losing my points on coherence and connectivity. In this passage can you help me identify where I am going wrong so that I can improve overall.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

Keep your essay connected and limited to the topic, do not discuss outside things, and do go beyond the topic. For more details, read the posts below in the links. https://gmatclub.com/forum/the-gmatclub ... 36251.html https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html Good luck!

Sajal2408 · Answer

Please rate this as well.

The argument claims that the city dwellers have been long perplexed by the apathy of the administration towards the deteriorating air quality. Stated in this way, argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument is based on several evidence for which there is no clear evidence. Hence the argument is weak and has several flaws.

Firstly, the argument readily assumes that three months since the new mayor took charge, the level of pollutants has declined by 15%. This statement is a stretch. Three months is a very short time period to measure air pollutants decline. The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly mentions that same scenario has ever happened in the past or not. The reduction in pollution could be because of decline in construction activities, which are a major source of air pollution in cities.

Secondly, the argument claims that the cases of COPD, the most common disease known to be triggered by air pollution, has declined by 10%. This is a weak and unsupported claim, as the argument fails to mention any evidence in support of the claim. It could have been much more convincing it the author mentions any supporting evidence because, COPD is usually caused by Smoking Cigarette. The decline in COPD cases could be because of restriction on Cigarette's smoking.

Finally, the argument has mentioned that daily commuters has reported significant reduction in their travel time, this could be because of construction of new / widening of roads to help the daily commuters. There is no mention of any evidence to support this. The argument has also mentioned that a wide variety of bird species has been reported seen, the reason behind this could be the season, there is a possibility that some season birds usually arrive in the city when the commuters have reported the sight. Without convincing support to this argument, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantiated evidence.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons. It could have been much more convincing, if the author clearly mentions the relevant facts. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5   
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

The city dwellers have been long perplexed by the apathy of the admin

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