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13 Mar 2023, 11:40
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Argument:
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Essay:
The argument makes critical assumptions which lead it to be a flawed argument at the end.
First of all, the main argument is flawed since it lacks information and creates an assumption without any sort of evidence whatsoever. To argue that the company is not as profitable as before due to the fact that it has many offices, lacks complete evidence, since the profitability of the organization could be influenced by several other factors that have nothing to do with the number of offices.
Even at the end it enforces that centralizing the offices would improve profitability by cutting costs, which indicates once again that the problem of low profitability is because the company has several offices which may have nothing to do with it, so even if the company reduces costs by maintaining fewer offices, it doesn’t mean that the profitability will increase, since the reality is that the problem might be the number of employees, lack of sales or other it might have to do with other factors that are influencing the company’s performance. Therefore, the proposed solution could be very misleading.
Last but not least, the argument finalizes by saying that the reduction of offices will help supervise employees. This has nothing to do with increasing profitability in the company. So again it suggests solutions to a supposed problem, when the reality is that this is a parallel topic which doesn’t have evidence or a clear correlation of how it would increase profitability.
In conclusion, the argument would be considerably stronger if it presented a research of why profitability decreased during the last period of time and which were the main factors that caused this, so then it could focus on suggesting possible solutions to minimize the impact of those specific factors that are influencing profitability and suggest percentages of increase over time as a result of proposed actions that tackle these factors.
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Essay:
The argument makes critical assumptions which lead it to be a flawed argument at the end.
First of all, the main argument is flawed since it lacks information and creates an assumption without any sort of evidence whatsoever. To argue that the company is not as profitable as before due to the fact that it has many offices, lacks complete evidence, since the profitability of the organization could be influenced by several other factors that have nothing to do with the number of offices.
Even at the end it enforces that centralizing the offices would improve profitability by cutting costs, which indicates once again that the problem of low profitability is because the company has several offices which may have nothing to do with it, so even if the company reduces costs by maintaining fewer offices, it doesn’t mean that the profitability will increase, since the reality is that the problem might be the number of employees, lack of sales or other it might have to do with other factors that are influencing the company’s performance. Therefore, the proposed solution could be very misleading.
Last but not least, the argument finalizes by saying that the reduction of offices will help supervise employees. This has nothing to do with increasing profitability in the company. So again it suggests solutions to a supposed problem, when the reality is that this is a parallel topic which doesn’t have evidence or a clear correlation of how it would increase profitability.
In conclusion, the argument would be considerably stronger if it presented a research of why profitability decreased during the last period of time and which were the main factors that caused this, so then it could focus on suggesting possible solutions to minimize the impact of those specific factors that are influencing profitability and suggest percentages of increase over time as a result of proposed actions that tackle these factors.
14 Mar 2023, 02:37
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AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 4/6
The essay has a clear and consistent line of reasoning, and each paragraph connects to the previous one. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the essay could benefit from more linking words to improve coherence.
Anatomy: 5/6
The essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion that are clearly separated. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays on topic. However, the essay could have benefited from a more nuanced introduction that summarizes the argument.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/6
Each paragraph has a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting evidence, and concluding sentence. The essay could have used more variety in sentence structure and length to improve flow.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The language is clear and concise, and the essay avoids overly complex sentences. There are some minor errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/6
The essay uses appropriate and varied vocabulary and expressions to convey the argument effectively. However, some sentences could benefit from more precise word choices and more sophisticated vocabulary.
Overall, the essay presents a clear analysis of the argument's flaws, but it could benefit from more nuanced and precise language and a more cohesive structure. Therefore, the essay receives a score of 4.5 out of 6.
Coherence and connectivity: 4/6
The essay has a clear and consistent line of reasoning, and each paragraph connects to the previous one. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the essay could benefit from more linking words to improve coherence.
Anatomy: 5/6
The essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion that are clearly separated. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays on topic. However, the essay could have benefited from a more nuanced introduction that summarizes the argument.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/6
Each paragraph has a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting evidence, and concluding sentence. The essay could have used more variety in sentence structure and length to improve flow.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The language is clear and concise, and the essay avoids overly complex sentences. There are some minor errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/6
The essay uses appropriate and varied vocabulary and expressions to convey the argument effectively. However, some sentences could benefit from more precise word choices and more sophisticated vocabulary.
Overall, the essay presents a clear analysis of the argument's flaws, but it could benefit from more nuanced and precise language and a more cohesive structure. Therefore, the essay receives a score of 4.5 out of 6.
violetalennon
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