AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 5/6
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and connectivity, as the author presents a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that follow a logical structure. The ideas presented are well-connected and flow naturally, although some transitions could be improved.
Anatomy: 5/6
The essay has a clear and coherent anatomy, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the author could have improved the thesis statement by making it more explicit and providing a roadmap for the essay.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/6
The essay is well-organized into paragraphs that address a single idea or argument. The paragraphs are well-structured and use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph. However, some paragraphs could be better developed with more supporting evidence.
Language and Grammar: 6/6
The language used in the essay is clear, concise, and appropriate for the target audience. The essay is free of major grammatical errors and demonstrates a good command of English language.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/6
The author uses a good range of vocabulary and expressions to convey their ideas. However, there are a few instances where more precise or varied word choices could have been used to improve clarity and precision.
Overall, the essay is well-written and effectively critiques the argument presented in the Annual Report sent to stockholders by Olympus Stores. The author provides a clear analysis of the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument, and offers alternative explanations and counter-examples that weaken the conclusion. While the essay could be improved with more supporting evidence and a stronger thesis statement, the language and grammar are strong, and the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and connectivity.
pintukr
Hi
Sajjad1994 ..
Requesting for evaluation of my essay on the the undermentioned AWA prompt :-
PROMPTThe following appeared as part of an Annual Report sent to stockholders by Olympus Stores, a chain of retail stores for electronic goods :-
'The clamor of threat for the physical stores posed by the online retailers has been consistently increasing. Intelligentsia has indulged in hasty laudation of the online model and bashing of the physical model in today’s internet-driven world. These proponents may not be aware that 70% of the country’s top 100 online retail companies had negative profits in the last quarter and 80% of the companies have foreign funding which is often risky, unreliable. Further, the main reason why consumers prefer the online retailers is the high discount offered, often coming at the cost of the investors’ money. How long can this continue? Olympus, a traditional retailer, must certainly believe that the physical stores are there to stay and must focus on opening more stores rather than worry about tapping the online retailing ways'.
Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.RESPONSEThe argument under reference, as part of the Annual Report sent to stockholders by Olympus stores, projects a rosy picture for the Offline model, while simultaneously raising doubts over the long-term sustenance of the Online model for the retail sector in future. The author supports his argument on the basis of weak evidence , citing the negative profits relating to only last quarter relating to the Online retail stores, as also raises doubts over the continuance or otherwise of the investments through foreign funding in future. The underlying assumption of discount model not likely to raise the sales figures significantly in future also , seems void due to lack of supporting evidence. Besides the weak evidence and doubtful assumption highlighted here, the argument also suffers from several other flaws as described in the subsequent paragraphs.
Firstly, the author raises doubts on the sales figures as well as the growth projections citing the figures only relating to the last quarter. No supporting figures for last few quarters have been presented to support his argument. It is higly likely that the consumers preferring low costs may go for purchases through the online model in next few quarters. To support the argument, the author must highlight the financial background of the customers of the Olympus Stores products.
Secondly, the author highlights that the intelligentsia has indulged in hasty laudation of the Online model , and thus summarrily rejects the views of the experts. While rejecting the Experts' views, the author should present the weaknesses in their analyses, if any. Without the weaknesses of the analyses, the author's argument seems weak. It is to be highlighted that the Experts must have developed their analyses based on the sale and profit patterns observed over a few past quarters.
Lastly, the author cites that the opening of Offline stores will continue to drive the growth trajectory of the Olympus Stores. However, such rosy predictions for the future can't be substantiated without presenting the sales figures, as well as the profits generated over the last few recent quarters. Only by presenting a comparison of sales and profits of Olympus Stores vis-a-vis Online stores, the author's argument can sound convincing.
In essence, the author's argument in favor of the Offline stores for future growth of the Olympus Stores sounds logically unconvincing, owing to absence of supporting evidence as well as weak assumptions. Towards improving the logical soundness of the argument, the Company needs to furnish the sales and profit figures for the recent quarters , as also the highlight the customers' preference for the Offline stores in the form of a survey conducted amongst its customers. Certain weaknesses of the Online stores in terms of after-sales service, product quality, continuance of discounts in future etc also need to be presented by the authors of the Report to substantiate their claims in favor of their preferred Offline model for retail stores.