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11 Aug 2023, 04:05
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hi, can someone please rate my AWA essay. Please ignore spelling mistakes I have checked them and I'll correct such type of mistakes.
"A study suggests that while the manufacturing industry contributes a whopping 40% of the total taxes collected by the national government, only 10% of the total subsidies, granted by the government, go to the manufacturing industry in the forms of lower cost of raw materials, fuel etc. This is when the manufacturing industry is second only to agriculture in generating employment and, is probably the main force behind establishing the nation as a major global economic power. Clearly, the subsidy structure in the nation is unfair and more must be done for passing the subsidies to the manufacturing industry."
Ans:
The argument states that manufacturing industry contributes 40% to the total taxes collected by the government but only 10% of the total subsidies granted by the government go to the manufacturing industry. The manufacturing sector is one of the main contributors to the economy of the nation and plays the role of one of the main forces in establishing the nation as a major global economic power. The article concludes that subsidy structure in unfair and more subsidy should be provided to the manufacturing industry.
Stated in this way the argument manipulates the figures and facts, it does not provide any concrete evidence for the conclusion. Withour clear reason for the coclusion this is just a wishful thinking and the argument lacks reasoning and is full of flaws
Firstly, the argument assumes that manufacturing industry gets very low subsidy. Without any comparison to the subsidies that other industries get we cannot conclude that 10% subsudy is very low. It can be the case that other industries get lesser subsidy. For example, the agriculture industry and textile industry gets only 8% subsidy each, then in that comparison the subsidy given to manufacturing industry is high in comparison to subsidy given to other industries. Without clear knowledge of the subsidies given to different departments we cannot conlude that subsidy structure of nation is unjustified.
Secondly. the argument claims that manufacturing industry is second only to the agriculture in generating employment and, is probably the main force behind establishing the nation as a major global economic power. The reason behind this can be that since government does not have to give much subsidy to the industry it is of economic benefit to the government. Since the argument does not provide any coorelation between subsidy provided to the industry and the role played by industry in the nation's economy, we cannot make a sabstantiate conclusion. If the evidence is provided regarding relation between subsidy provided to industry and industry's economic contribution then we could have made this conclusion.
Finally, the argument concludes that, the subsidy structure of the nation is unfair and more must be done for passing subsidies to the manufacturing industry, This conclusion can't be made without the answers to the the following questions, first what are the subsidies given to other industries and second what is the relation between subsidy provided and the role of the industry in the nation's financial status. If the answers to these question are provided then we can make more justifiable conclusion.
Hence, without proper ansers to the above questions that arguments lacks evidence and remains full of flaws.
"A study suggests that while the manufacturing industry contributes a whopping 40% of the total taxes collected by the national government, only 10% of the total subsidies, granted by the government, go to the manufacturing industry in the forms of lower cost of raw materials, fuel etc. This is when the manufacturing industry is second only to agriculture in generating employment and, is probably the main force behind establishing the nation as a major global economic power. Clearly, the subsidy structure in the nation is unfair and more must be done for passing the subsidies to the manufacturing industry."
Ans:
The argument states that manufacturing industry contributes 40% to the total taxes collected by the government but only 10% of the total subsidies granted by the government go to the manufacturing industry. The manufacturing sector is one of the main contributors to the economy of the nation and plays the role of one of the main forces in establishing the nation as a major global economic power. The article concludes that subsidy structure in unfair and more subsidy should be provided to the manufacturing industry.
Stated in this way the argument manipulates the figures and facts, it does not provide any concrete evidence for the conclusion. Withour clear reason for the coclusion this is just a wishful thinking and the argument lacks reasoning and is full of flaws
Firstly, the argument assumes that manufacturing industry gets very low subsidy. Without any comparison to the subsidies that other industries get we cannot conclude that 10% subsudy is very low. It can be the case that other industries get lesser subsidy. For example, the agriculture industry and textile industry gets only 8% subsidy each, then in that comparison the subsidy given to manufacturing industry is high in comparison to subsidy given to other industries. Without clear knowledge of the subsidies given to different departments we cannot conlude that subsidy structure of nation is unjustified.
Secondly. the argument claims that manufacturing industry is second only to the agriculture in generating employment and, is probably the main force behind establishing the nation as a major global economic power. The reason behind this can be that since government does not have to give much subsidy to the industry it is of economic benefit to the government. Since the argument does not provide any coorelation between subsidy provided to the industry and the role played by industry in the nation's economy, we cannot make a sabstantiate conclusion. If the evidence is provided regarding relation between subsidy provided to industry and industry's economic contribution then we could have made this conclusion.
Finally, the argument concludes that, the subsidy structure of the nation is unfair and more must be done for passing subsidies to the manufacturing industry, This conclusion can't be made without the answers to the the following questions, first what are the subsidies given to other industries and second what is the relation between subsidy provided and the role of the industry in the nation's financial status. If the answers to these question are provided then we can make more justifiable conclusion.
Hence, without proper ansers to the above questions that arguments lacks evidence and remains full of flaws.
11 Aug 2023, 22:47
Kudos
Bookmarks
AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 4.5/6
The essay generally presents ideas in a coherent manner, but there are some instances where the flow of logic could be improved for better connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
Word Structure: 5/6
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary and sentence structures. There are a few minor issues with word choice and phrasing, but they do not significantly hinder comprehension.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 4.5/6
The essay uses appropriate paragraph breaks, but the structure could be enhanced by providing clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader more effectively.
Language and Grammar: 4.5/6
The essay shows a good grasp of grammar and language usage, with some minor errors in sentence construction and verb agreement. However, a few sentences could be rephrased for clarity.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 4.5/6
The vocabulary used is generally effective, but there is room for improvement in terms of word choice to enhance precision and express complex ideas more explicitly.
Overall, the essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the given argument, highlighting its weaknesses and pointing out the need for more substantial evidence and context. The writer effectively addresses the flawed assumptions and missing information in the argument. To further improve the essay, focus on strengthening the connections between sentences and paragraphs, refining vocabulary usage, and ensuring greater clarity in the expression of ideas.
Coherence and Connectivity: 4.5/6
The essay generally presents ideas in a coherent manner, but there are some instances where the flow of logic could be improved for better connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
Word Structure: 5/6
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary and sentence structures. There are a few minor issues with word choice and phrasing, but they do not significantly hinder comprehension.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 4.5/6
The essay uses appropriate paragraph breaks, but the structure could be enhanced by providing clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader more effectively.
Language and Grammar: 4.5/6
The essay shows a good grasp of grammar and language usage, with some minor errors in sentence construction and verb agreement. However, a few sentences could be rephrased for clarity.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 4.5/6
The vocabulary used is generally effective, but there is room for improvement in terms of word choice to enhance precision and express complex ideas more explicitly.
Overall, the essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the given argument, highlighting its weaknesses and pointing out the need for more substantial evidence and context. The writer effectively addresses the flawed assumptions and missing information in the argument. To further improve the essay, focus on strengthening the connections between sentences and paragraphs, refining vocabulary usage, and ensuring greater clarity in the expression of ideas.
Tanvi01
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