Hello experts,
Need someone to kindly review my AWA and suggest areas of improvement. My first essay. Have followed the template available on different forums. Any help will be really appreciated.
“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”
The argument states that middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Furthermore, because the number of middle-aged people will increase drastically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during this period. In addition to this, the author also recommends department stores to take advantage of the trend by replacing some of the products intended to attract young consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer. Stated in this way, argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it can be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no evidence. Therefore, the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that buying behavior of consumers will remain same in the coming decade. This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. External factors, such as inflation, economy, etc., and internal factors, such as disposable income, will have an impact on the buying pattern of consumers. The argument would have been much clearer if it clearly showed patterns of expenditure through historical data.
Second, the argument fails to distinguish between percentage and actual amount spent by the two different groups compared in the passage. Though middle aged consumers devote a higher percentage of their retail expenditure on department store products and services, it doesn’t mean they are spending more amount than the young consumers. There is a possibility that young consumers spend significantly more because of which they are more prized customers for the department stores. In fact, the argument does not even draw a parallel between percentage and actual amount expenditure. If any such correlation had been shown, then the author would have sounded a bit more convincing.
Finally, the argument concludes that by replacing some of the products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer, department stores will be able to take advantage of the fact that middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade. The argument fails to consider the consistency of buying pattern when young consumers turn into middle age consumers. There is a high possibility that current young consumers will continue to buy from shops in future. Also, by removing merchandise intended for young consumers, department stores are letting go off a complete target consumer group. This can prove detrimental in overall growth and profitability of department stores.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
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