AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good LuckGmatn00b007 wrote:
The following appeared in a memo from the customer service division to the manager of Mammon Savings and Loan.
“We believe that improved customer service is the best way for us to differentiate ourselves from competitors and attract new customers. We can offer our customers better service by reducing waiting time in teller lines from an average of six minutes to an average of three. By opening for business at 8:30 instead of 9:00, and by remaining open for an additional hour beyond our current closing time, we will be better able to accommodate the busy schedules of our customers. These changes will enhance our bank’s image as the most customer-friendly bank in town and give us the edge over our competition.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
The argument that improving customer service will help in differentiating them from the competition and attract new customers is not very well reasoned as it fails to consider a number of points.
Firstly, to get an advantage over their competitors, there are a lot of factors that affect what causes a customer to choose their preferred bank. To mention a few, interests rate on loans or savings account, additional services/benefits offered for using their card/services, convenience and connectivity for the masses, customer relations - although, it is not the only thing that determines the advantage. As nothing has been mentioned in the passage, Mammon Savings and Loan Bank could have the best customer satisfaction but could be lacking in other sectors for which data has not been provided to us.
Secondly, if we are to assume that the bank is leading in other sectors and still is unable to get new customers or is wanting to get more customers, we need to check how well accessible are the bank branches to the clients, do the clients know about the services they offer, are they offering loans at a lower interest rate than their competition, or even are the customers/clients being treated fairly by the employees of the bank.
Thirdly, we need to check if the bank image has a good image in with the masses. It shouldn’t be that they were recently involved in a money-laundering incident, or if the old customers didn’t lose their money because of a bad loan provided by the bank, or people who had kept their money with the banks were about to lose it because the bank was on the verge of bankruptcy. It could be anything that would make the people lose their confidence in Mammon Savings and Loan Bank.
Although, as the old proverb says, “Customer is King” we do need to agree to it when the bank managers feel that improving the customer service might improve customer satisfaction and add new customers. Being open for long hours and training their staff on how to treat and convert a possible customer will help in the long run.
Summarising it all, the argument is flawed and has not made convincing points. We will have to wait and check to give merits to the argument.