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Would anyone be so kind and evaluate my essay?

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Would anyone be so kind and evaluate my essay?  [#permalink]

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New post 04 Apr 2019, 13:41
Hello, I would love to receive some critical feedback for my essay, thank you!!!

Do you agree or disagree?
Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.



The essential question of the prompt is whether Universities should invest the same amount of money into their library system than to their offered sport activities for students. Certainly, some people, if asked, would agree with the statement stated above, mentioning that sport is equally important and furthermore essential for the human health, while other’s would point out that this question is double edged due to a great deal of factors involved. Personally, as i am concerned, i adopt the firm position, that the amount of cash, set out for sport activities at the campus should be less than the amount of cash universities spend for the infrastructure of their library because the quality and the infrastructure plays a significant role in the process of our successful education.

First and foremost, everybody would agree that libraries are necessary for students daily life in order to study successfully for their classes and exams. Only if there are enough book copies in the library shelves, it can be guaranteed, that every student has the possibility to borrow one copy. To illustrate that idea, let’s consider the following example. I attended the law university in Vienna, named the „Juridicum“, two years ago. Over the past years, the building of the university received a great reputation due to the fact, that you can choose between different legal matters, teached by recognized professors. However the offer of student casebooks in the integrated library is not sufficient to keep the quality alive. Students are struggling to obtain the appropriate material. In fact, every year, there is literally a big discussion between each collegian about the limited copies of the essential books.
The abovementioned example demonstrates that the less money is allocated to the library, the less books are available for students, which leads to a worse education.

Admittedly, despite all reasonable evidence to the contrary, people argue that students can educate themselves outside the campus by buying the needed books in a bookstore or downloading similar documents via internet. However, such position should be taken with a grain of salt. Those assertion are most likely to be made under the assumption, that students have enough money to spend for the essential books, which in fact often does not hold true. Indeed, a research by VM institution in Austria togehter with my own observation has provided me a clear picture of the opposite. The results and my experiences reveil, that students have merely enough money to afford their appartements and their food.

In summary, while various perspectives and viewpoints on the issue exist, it is evident, that there are more supporting arguments to claim, that universities should invest more into the library network than into sport programs. I suggest that students should go for a run after their classes or playing football together outside the campus area during the week because isn’t a good education at a young age the most important thing in every ones’ life?
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New post 06 Apr 2019, 14:53
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Except for a few grammar errors, the essay is very well written. I personally liked your choice of structural keywords.
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New post 07 Apr 2019, 01:03
DisciplinedPrep wrote:
Except for a few grammar errors, the essay is very well written. I personally liked your choice of structural keywords.



Thank you! Can you tell me where exactly the grammar errors are? How does they affect the final grading?

Kind regards,
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New post 07 Apr 2019, 11:17
PaulSchnyder wrote:
Hello, I would love to receive some critical feedback for my essay, thank you!!!

Do you agree or disagree?
Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.



The essential question of the prompt is whether Universities should invest the same amount of money into their library system than to their offered sport activities for students. Certainly, some people, if asked, would agree with the statement stated above, mentioning that sport is equally important and furthermore essential for the human health, while other’s would point out that this question is double edged due to a great deal of factors involved. Personally, as i am concerned, i adopt the firm position, that the amount of cash, set out for sport activities at the campus should be less than the amount of cash universities spend for the infrastructure of their library because the quality and the infrastructure plays a significant role in the process of our successful education.

First and foremost, everybody would agree that libraries are necessary for students daily life in order to study successfully for their classes and exams. Only if there are enough book copies in the library shelves, it can be guaranteed, that every student has the possibility to borrow one copy. To illustrate that idea, let’s consider the following example. I attended the law university in Vienna, named the „Juridicum“, two years ago. Over the past years, the building of the university received a great reputation due to the fact, that you can choose between different legal matters, teached by recognized professors. However the offer of student casebooks in the integrated library is not sufficient to keep the quality alive. Students are struggling to obtain the appropriate material. In fact, every year, there is literally a big discussion between each collegian about the limited copies of the essential books.
The abovementioned example demonstrates that the less money is allocated to the library, the less books are available for students, which leads to a worse education.

Admittedly, despite all reasonable evidence to the contrary, people argue that students can educate themselves outside the campus by buying the needed books in a bookstore or downloading similar documents via internet. However, such position should be taken with a grain of salt. Those assertion are most likely to be made under the assumption, that students have enough money to spend for the essential books, which in fact often does not hold true. Indeed, a research by VM institution in Austria togehter with my own observation has provided me a clear picture of the opposite. The results and my experiences reveil, that students have merely enough money to afford their appartements and their food.

In summary, while various perspectives and viewpoints on the issue exist, it is evident, that there are more supporting arguments to claim, that universities should invest more into the library network than into sport programs. I suggest that students should go for a run after their classes or playing football together outside the campus area during the week because isn’t a good education at a young age the most important thing in every ones’ life?


You may find this post useful:-

https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html

All the best!!
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Re: Would anyone be so kind and evaluate my essay?  [#permalink]

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New post 10 Apr 2019, 04:57
Thank you, but this topic relates to the GMAT test. Is someone able to assess my exam in more detail? Thank you so much!
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Re: Would anyone be so kind and evaluate my essay?   [#permalink] 10 Apr 2019, 04:57
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