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Analysis of an Issue - Interviews - Appreciate Feedback

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Senior Manager
Joined: 31 Aug 2009
Posts: 415

Kudos [?]: 347 [0], given: 20

Location: Sydney, Australia
Analysis of an Issue - Interviews - Appreciate Feedback [#permalink]

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13 Nov 2009, 21:18
I did a trial GMAT prep including AWA today. This may sound stupid but I couldn't figure out how to get my essays from my previous attempt so this time I spent the last 3 mins doing print screens So obviously didn't get a chance to check my spelling. I would appreciate any feedback for my essay... Kudos given for good constructive feedback. Thanks
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Kudos [?]: 347 [0], given: 20

Knewton GMAT Representative
Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 112

Kudos [?]: 38 [0], given: 1

Location: New York, NY
Schools: BA Amherst College, MFA Brooklyn College
Re: Analysis of an Issue - Interviews - Appreciate Feedback [#permalink]

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19 Jan 2010, 08:32
Thanks for sharing this essay. I think it would shake out around a 5.5.

You would receive such a high score because the essay is well organized and you make nice supporting points.

You would not, in my opinion, earn a 6 because there's not enough meat in the thesis. Introduce your supporting points in the very first paragraph.

For example: You're thesis could be: playing soccer for your club team is more important than playing soccer for your country. And then you say, in the first paragraph, the reasons are practical, financial, and responsible.

And then your first body paragraph is all about the practical importance of playing for club.

And then your second body paragraph is all about the financial benefits of focusing on club play.

And so on.

Lastly, I think you pay too much deference to the other side of the argument. Don't say "I agree that both" -- just make a strong argument in favor of one perspective.

You're really close to a perfect score!

Thanks. Let me know if you have any more questions about the AWAs in particular or your GMAT preparation in general.

Cheers,
Josh
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Josh Anish
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Kudos [?]: 38 [0], given: 1

Re: Analysis of an Issue - Interviews - Appreciate Feedback   [#permalink] 19 Jan 2010, 08:32
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Analysis of an Issue - Interviews - Appreciate Feedback

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