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# Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it

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Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it [#permalink]

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13 Oct 2012, 11:05
Please rate the below Analysis of argument essay.

The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore,
the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such
centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all
employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The author has stated that the closing of all the field office and conducting the operations centrally from one location will increase the over all profit of the company. he has based the Argument on some unsupported assumptions.

First, the author mentioned that the Company's profit was more when when it is operated in a single location. The author failed to say if the profit is more on the basis proportion or on actual numbers.We need proper statistics to support this predicate. Also we Are not sure if there were any competitors for the company. If there was no competitor earlier and there are some competitors now then centralizing the operations to one location is not advisable.

Secondly, the author has not Mentioned about the demand of the product produced by the Apogee company. If the demand of the product is more then closing down the field offices will not be a fair idea as the company has to meet with the growing demand. Also in this case the company will require large man power to meet with the large demand. So the author has to provide evidence to support the assumption that the demand of the product is less.

In order to strengthen the argument , the author has to provide some concrete evidence. for instance the author must provide statistical evidence for the profit of the company in Past years and the company's current profit level. The competition prevailing in the market for the product manufactured by the company. Also the author need to provide evidence that the demand for the product is not much for the company To have many field offices. Without these evidences the argument stands vague.
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Re: Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it [#permalink]

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13 Oct 2012, 21:44
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Expert's post
I'm certainly not an official grader, but I would give this essay a 3.

Your overall structure and reasoning are good. You follow a standard format and your criticisms of the argument are sensible. However, I want to highlight a few things for you to work on.

*Proofread your essay! There are some repeated words, some omitted words, and lots of capitalization problems. Unless you are saying the name of the company (Apogee Company), nothing here should be capitalized other than the first letter of each sentence. Here's one example:

First, the author mentioned that the Company's profit was more when when it is operated in a single location. (Uncapitalize "Company's," get rid of the extra "when," and change "is operated" to "was operated.")

*Write more. This essay seems a little minimal. Take a look at the higher-scoring essays in the OG. They don't make many more points than you do, but they're a bit more thorough in exploring each point. Ideally, you want 3 body paragraphs, not 2. You can get away with 2, but they need to be much more substantial than these.

*Use critical reasoning language. That's what they want from you! Say things like "If the market for the company's products is lower than it was when the company operated out of one office, then the company's overall profits may be lower even after the consolidation. Therefore, the conclusion that the field offices should be closed does not necessarily follow from the given premises."

* Make one point per paragraph. Don't mix points, as you do in your first body paragraph. In this case, I would drop the part about proportions and statistics, because it isn't clear what logical error you're pointing out.

*Write a clear conclusion. You don't want your last paragraph to be an assortment of ideas. Make it obvious that you are recapping your points, and drive the main point home again. (Your main point is always the same: the argument is flawed, and needs a few additions in order to be well-reasoned.)

I hope this helps!
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Re: Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it [#permalink]

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19 Oct 2012, 21:49
Conclusions in the AWA section should focus on specifics and not end up sounding like a hotch-potch summary!

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Re: Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it [#permalink]

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28 Jul 2014, 03:15
Make your introduction and conclusion paragraph more interesting one. Otherwise it is okay..

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Re: Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it   [#permalink] 28 Jul 2014, 03:15
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# Analysis of argument essay .Please rate it

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