AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ?
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13 Aug 2009, 10:41
I am a non-native speaker and weak in writing essays. Though I am proficient in talking, I find it difficult to put my thoughts and words in writing. Hence, I am planning to write two essays every day, one argument and one issue, to improve my grammar, spelling, writing style and speed. I am also planning to use GMAC’s essay rating service, after enough preparation because I do not want to waste money on a poorly written essay.
Can we post our essays in this forum; review other member’s essays and get our essays reviewed? This will not only improve our writing skills but also present different point of views and style of writing. If we can compile good essays, that will be helpful to many aspirants.
To start with, I am posting an argument essay that I wrote this morning. I followed the template in GmatClub’s AWA guide.
-Thanks!
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The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
The argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location; hence, it should close down its field offices and centralize all its operations to improve profitability and supervise all employees. Stated this way, the argument fails to consider many key factors, based on which it could be evaluated. The conclusion is based on assumptions that have no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has flaws.
First, the argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location. Although this statement sounds persuasive, operating from one location cannot be the only factor for a company's profits. Many factors influence company's profit such as management decisions, marketing strategies, quality control, sales and profit margin. Failing to consider the above-mentioned factors, while comparing profits before and after operating the company from different locations, makes the argument weak.
Second, the argument concludes to close the operating field offices to cut costs and improve profits. However, the argument fails to weigh the benefits of having a local presence of the company versus operation cost. Operation costs need not necessarily come down by shutting down a field office because travelling and other expenses might add up to the operation cost. If all the employees were asked to relocate to the main office then the company should provide relocation package, else if the employees were to be laid-off, the company would have to provide severance package, all adding to company's expense. Failing to weigh the benefits of local presence and estimate other expenses involved in travelling and re-location or severance, the conclusion lacks evidence.
In addition, the argument says that the company can supervise all employees when they are at one location. This assumption is flawed because effective people management does not require mere physical presence. To improve productivity, and eventually profit, employees need adequate skills, on job training and good work environment. To the company, the value addition of an employee matters more than physical presence of an employee.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.