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# AWA Evaluation

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Intern
Joined: 30 Jul 2019
Posts: 4

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16 Jul 2020, 04:29
Can some please evaluate my essay..

The Following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine:
“On average middle-aged consumers devote 39% of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25%. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within next decade, department stores can expect sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer”.
Discuss how well reasoned..

The above argument states that most of the middle-aged people spent their time in departmental stores in comparison with younger consumers. As the number of middle aged consumers is increasing, department stores are expected to increase their sales. Moreover, in order to take advantage of the trend these stores replace their products in order to attract the younger ones which they had earlier intended to attract the middle-aged consumers.

Firstly, the author is only thinking from one perspective which is completely invalid. Mostly, middle-aged people prefer to buy some product from the retail stores rather than to go for online shopping as they are not as comfortable as the young consumers. This assumption is supported by the common belief that the average age of the population is increasing. However, it is not clear how much this increase will be and to what extent an increase in the population will lead to an increase in the number of consumers for department store products and services. No data is in fact presented to support the statement.

Secondly, the argument ignores the possibility that the new generation of middle-aged consumers will have different habits than the current generation of middle-aged consumers. In fact, it is not clear the reasons behind this assumption since no data is provided. It is a matter of fact that habits change from one generation to the other; for example, the music that middle-aged people used to listen to 50 years ago is different from the music listened to by middle-aged people today. The same may apply to other fields including interests in department store and services.

Lastly, the author must hire more aggressive sales staff who can pitch his products so that every customer is encouraged to buy all types of product from the store itself. This not only requires solid marketing skills but advertising skills too. Moreover, if more information on the expected trend and on past trends were presented, then the argument would be strengthen. Absent this support, however, there is no reason to accept the argument’s conclusion.
Retired Moderator
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Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 5596
Location: India
WE: Education (Education)

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16 Jul 2020, 07:23
Top Contributor
The above argument states that most of the middle-aged people spent their time in departmental stores in comparison with younger consumers. As the number of middle-aged consumers is increasing, department stores are expected to increase their sales. Moreover, in order to take advantage of the trend, these stores replace their products in order to attract the younger ones which they had earlier intended to attract middle-aged consumers.

Firstly, the author is only thinking from one perspective which is completely invalid. Mostly, middle-aged people prefer to buy some product from the retail stores rather than to go for online shopping as they are not as comfortable as the young consumers. This assumption is supported by the common belief that the average age of the population is increasing. However, it is not clear how much this increase will be, and to what extent an increase in the population will lead to an increase in the number of consumers for department store products and services. No data is in fact presented to support the statement.

Secondly, the argument ignores the possibility that the new generation of middle-aged consumers will have different habits than the current generation of middle-aged consumers. In fact, it is not clear about the reasons behind this assumption since no data is provided. It is a matter of fact that habits change from one generation to the other; for example, the music that middle-aged people used to listen to 50 years ago is different from the music listened to by middle-aged people today. The same may apply to other fields including interests in department stores and services.

Lastly, the author must hire more aggressive sales staff who can pitch his products so that every customer is encouraged to buy all types of products from the store itself. This not only requires solid marketing skills but advertising skills too. Moreover, if more information on the expected trend and on past trends were presented, then the argument would be strengthen. Absent this support, however, there is no reason to accept the argument’s conclusion

[/b] : General: At less than 350 words, the essay is too small. must elaborate on your rhetorics to make it to at least 500 words.
Construction: good

Transitions – good

Flow: smooth

Rhetorics : May use some more examples, some more survey results anecdotes, etc.

Spelling and grammar: no problem

Rating:4.5/6
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Intern
Joined: 30 Jul 2019
Posts: 4

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16 Jul 2020, 21:47
Re: AWA Evaluation   [#permalink] 16 Jul 2020, 21:47

# AWA Evaluation

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