AWA feedback

Hi Guys,

Today I wrote my first full-length gmat mock test. Kindly give your feedback on my AWA attempt. Thanks in advance.

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

My response:
The article reviewing summer camps for children seems to have flaws at multiple levels which leave several questions unanswered.

Firstly, there is no mention of the number of summer camps that were included in the survey in which Federville Farms was ranked first. Also, there is no mention of the sample size and sample spread. It is possible that very few of the state summer camp organizers participated in the survey or only lower ranked ones did.

Secondly, the article also does not mention that by whom was the survey conducted and was it sponsored by any organization, Federville or any of its associates, or conducted as an independent review. In case the survey was sponsored, it would lead to biased outcomes, that might be favoring the sponsors. Also, there could be other parameters on which the other summer camps might have performed better, for example, in addition to food quality, the camper would also be interested in knowing the variety of food offered.

Lastly, it mentions about having more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. This does not give the readers a clear idea about the number of lifeguards employed by Federville Farms. This difference could be highlighted more clearly by mentioning the ratio of children is to lifeguards. It might be a case that other summer camps have smaller batch sizes as compared to Federville and hence, they would require a fewer number of lifeguards. Also, there could be a case that other summer camps might not be organizing activities which would require high numbers of lifeguards.

Based on the above points, it can be said that the above article reviewing the summer camps for children is not very well reasoned as it fails to clarify these points mentioned.