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AWA review needed. Kindly help.

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Joined: 23 May 2014
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AWA review needed. Kindly help.  [#permalink]

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New post 21 Jun 2014, 22:53
I have been preparing for the GMAT for quite some time now, but i'm new to the AWA section.
I request the experts to kindly assess my essay:

Question:

The following paragraph recently appeared in an editorial printed in the opinion section of a local newspaper:
"The recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council. In order to rectify the burgeoning growth of crime that threatens the community, the city council must address this issue seriously. Instead of spending time on peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs."


My answer:

"The argument concludes that the recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council. The argument is based on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak and has several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that the reason for the surge in violence is the shortage of police and absence of leadership on the part of the city council. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. Moreover, the argument does not take into consideration the various other possible reasons for the surge in violence. For instance, the surge in violence could be due to a conflict between two groups fighting for their own causes or due to anger among the general public over a new policy by the government which negatively affects the local population. The argument could have been much clearer if the author cited examples which proved that the shortage of police officers is the reason for the surge in violence in the southern part of the city.

Second, the argument claims that the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and requires more attention than issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity. This again, is an unconvincing argument. The argument suggests budget cuts from other city programs without providing any reasons for the same. If the argument provided a thorough analysis of all the "peripheral issues" it mentions along with a comparison with the crime issue, the argument would have been a lot more convincing.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed because of the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. The argument could be considerably strengthened if the author stated all the relevant facts. To assess a certain situation, it is important to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. In this particular case, the statistics of surge in violence over a certain period of time, the particular reason and evidence for the given reason for each crime and reasons for suggesting budget cuts from other city programs are vital. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate."

Kindly help.

Thanks in advance :)
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Re: AWA review needed. Kindly help.  [#permalink]

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New post 14 Sep 2014, 04:24
Hi,

Its been a while that this topic was posted, nevertheless I would like to see many more points and discussions to flourish. I am no expert but can recognise that you have done a good job in identifying most of the points which weaken the argument. I would have added or defended my claim with few more examples or in this case with "The Reverse Logic".

Consider the statement:

Instead of spending time on peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and double the police force.

Author believes that the spending less time on education quality, community vitality and job opportunity would recede crime issue while this fails to give a thought about lack of jobs/no community bond/low education quality can bring about an increase in the crime again.

Those were my 2 cents- appreciate many more :)

Regards,
V
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Re: AWA review needed. Kindly help.  [#permalink]

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New post 10 Aug 2018, 22:20
Hey,
Kindly rate my response to the argument as well :-)


As stated in the above argument the recent surge in the violence in the southern part of the city is attributed to the shortage of the police officers as well as to the absence of leadership in the city council. It also states preventive measures to control it. It talks about addressing the issue seriously looking at the growing rate of crime in the city. It suggests that instead of spending time on the peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must take the crime issue seriously. Adding to the previous suggestions, it also suggests about doubling the number of the police force even at the cos of cutting the city budget from other programs. The city does needs a quick reform in the crime handling however the different assumptions on which the conclusion is laid seems failing the purpose here. There are many flaws and unknown information on which several conclusions have been made for reducing crime growth in the city.

Firstly, the information is seemingly new and recent, there is no information regarding what was the crime rate before. There have been no facts presented so as to make the reasons clear of why there is a surge in violence and specially why in the southern part?
Are there any other reasons responsible for it which weren't there earlier? Moreover, the lack of efficient leadership and police officers are held responsible. Was the condition different before? Are the city council leaders changed or the number of police officers is reduced? These questions seem unanswered here.

Secondly, another method to regulate the city crimes is to spend less time in education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity and more on taking care of the crime issue. But these aren't two different aspects. They are related. Spending more time on education will make people aware about what is right and what is wrong. A community is known by the citizens. Empowering them, educating them is the best way to control all the violence and crime. This is the best way to handle the situation. Instead of spending time in handling many issues and fights, attacking to the core issue is far more beneficial. For example, in India's biggest Jail, the Tihar Jail, a police officer 'Kiran Bedi' is cited as an example to control crime in the best way possible. She tried to make the criminals aware of their doing. She helped them to get educated and horn a skill to earn their livelihood and thus live respectfully. Crime rate were decreased by a huge amount in the city. Education is an important weapon which can be used against crime.

Finally, the people talk about diverting city's budget into the crime issue and doubling the police force doesn't guarantees the eradication or decrease in the crime growth in the country. Several cities have taken same measures but have always failed in controlling the public. Nevertheless, cutting budget from city's various programs such as unemployment, health welfare funds may contribute more people committing crimes.

To conclude, there are many different ways to reduce and regulate the crime rate in the city. It doesn't require only some good police officers or good leadership. Adding some monetary benefits also doesn’t guarantees the crime rate to decrease. It needs more analyzation regarding the facts that are actually causing the crimes. Better management of existing police force, city council and present funds can also handle the situation well. Youth welfare programs should be run to make them aware and volunteer against any possibility of crime they encounter in their surroundings. Attacking the roots will give much better results than acting superficially.
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Best,

Mansi Pathak

GMAT Club Bot
Re: AWA review needed. Kindly help. &nbs [#permalink] 10 Aug 2018, 22:20
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