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AWA - your critique would be fantastic :)

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Joined: 20 Oct 2017
Posts: 1
Location: Denmark
Schools: Copenhagen
GMAT 1: 700 Q58 V55
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AWA - your critique would be fantastic :) [#permalink]

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New post 05 Jan 2018, 03:16
Hey guys - it would be wonderful if you would provide critique on my AWA and say what I should elaborate on.


“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument concludes that aspartame intake is directly harmful for reaching dietary goals compared to sugar consumption. The conclusion is reached on flawed evidence and is misguiding on two regards.

First, the argument argues that high levels of aspartame intake can cause a decreasing amount of the chemical components in the body that reduces the sense of being full. The argument does not mention where the information can be found, or how the results have been reached.
Second, it is mentioned that sugar intake will enhance the ability to burn fat, if the individual has exercised for a continuous period of 45 minutes. The argument does not mention whether this amount of physical training should be conducted daily or weekly. The second evidence neither addresses, if there is a limit to the amount of sugar a person can consume after the before mentioned duration of exercise before the level becomes unhealthy again. In effect, it leads to a flawed conclusion that can misguide the reader on several regards. The first flaw can make the reader believe that any intake of aspartame can cause weight increase. The second flaw makes sugar intake seem without consequence even in larger doses after training, and the conclusion becomes misguiding.

It has been argued that the argument has two major weaknesses in her writing and consequently provides a misguiding and unsatisfactory conclusion to the reader.

hope you will enjoy it.
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Re: AWA - your critique would be fantastic :) [#permalink]

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New post 05 Jan 2018, 03:40
Hey Sigismund - my thoughts:
The critiques don't work:
- first critique: we can't and shouldn't criticize what has been presented as a fact. If we are told "studies have shown", we must accept it. What we should be criticizing is conclusions and inferences based on facts.
- Second: why is it all relevant if it's daily or weekly?
The larger point - sugar is itself unhealthy - is true. But is should have presented in a clearer, more elaborated upon way.

Finally, this is way, way too short. An essay should be about 500 words, and each critique should get its own paragraph.

I recommend taking a look at our AWA lesson on examPAL: https://exampal.com/gmat/section/analytical-writing/lesson
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Re: AWA - your critique would be fantastic :)   [#permalink] 05 Jan 2018, 03:40
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AWA - your critique would be fantastic :)

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