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Can you please rate my AWA ? Appreciate the help.

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Can you please rate my AWA ? Appreciate the help.  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Sep 2018, 10:31
“Studies suggest that an average coffee drinker’s consumption of coffee increases with age, from age 10 through age
60. Even after age 60, coffee consumption remains high. The average cola drinker’s consumption of cola, however,
declines with increasing age. Both of these trends have remained stable for the past 40 years. Given that the number
of older adults will significantly increase as the population ages over the next 20 years, it follows that the demand for
coffee will increase and the demand for cola will decrease during this period. We should, therefore, consider
transferring our investments from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffee.”

Above argument claims that an average coffee drinker’s consumption increases with the age from age 10 to 60 and also claims that coffee consumption remains high. On the other side argument also claims that average cola drinker’s consumption however declines with the age and both of these trends remained stable for the past 40 years. Argument also states that no.of older adults will increase as the population ages over the next 20 years and it follows the demand for the coffee will increase and demand for cola will decrease. And based on this author is suggesting readers to transfer our investments to early bird coffee from cola loca. The whole argument is weak and has no evidence to prove it.
Firstly, argument mentions that coffee drinkers consumption of coffee increases with age, from age 10 through 60 and even after 60. There is no data to bolster this statement to prove which data is being considered. Did the studies consider any particular area for sample population , was the study done on any particular gender, was study done in specific countries or areas where coffee is the only drink available ? For example , Brazil is the major exporter of coffee in the world and if the study is done in that country the study is completely misleading the reader. If the study is done London where tea is the major beverage , even then the argument doesn't give a strong reason to believe author’s point. When there is any statistical data to support your reasoning, the whole argument can be strong. Author failed to provide any evidence regarding intake of coffee increases with age.
Secondly, argument states the consumption of cola decreases with age. Again, author failed to give any substantial evidence to prove the point. If the argument should have contain the details like, in which place or country the study was performed, what if that particular place doesn't sell cola to people over certain age because of high sugar content in it and are all age groups got covered in the study ? Answers to these questions can help strengthening the author’s point. So, readers have no strong grounds to believe the argument regarding the cola consumption.
Finally, there is an assumption that older population will increase in next 20 years as the population ages and hence author is suggesting to invest in coffee company rather than cola company. What statistical data author has provided us or considered himself on increase in older population? When author is talking about population increase is that considering male and female population , any specific areas or countries ? What if that particular area has lot of incoming population from other cities?
With all the above mentioned reasons the whole argument is unconvincing and doesn't hold a strong evidence to prove its point. In order to assess the merits and demerits of a certain situation it is essential to have full data to support the discussion.Without the substantial evidence this argument open to debate.
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New post 23 Sep 2018, 09:20
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Hey anirudh, right of the bat you have a major issue: it is not all clear that you have identified what the argument is. The introduction paragraph merely repeats all the data given in the argument - this is no good, it should only focus on the argument itself, the heart of the matter. In this case it is the claim that demand for coffee will increase and cola decrease - all the previous sentences you write are merely in service of this claim, and should not be in the introduction paragraph.
This is really the main problem of your essay - you spend much of the following paragraphs arguing with the data given (consumption increases from ages 10-60), when you should be focusing on the conclusion only. It is a mistake to argue with facts - if the argument tells us they are true, we must accept it: the fact it cites no data is irrelevant - and it is also not what you are meant to do.
To summarise - focus on identifying the claim. Take it from there.
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New post 25 Sep 2018, 07:44
Thank you so much for the great review David.
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New post 25 Sep 2018, 08:21
anirudh91 wrote:
Thank you so much for the great review David.


Sure thing!
btw at examPAL we offer in depth AWA reviews, with in-line notes. Check us out!
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Re: Can you please rate my AWA ? Appreciate the help. &nbs [#permalink] 25 Sep 2018, 08:21
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