Can you please rate my AWA essay?
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23 Sep 2016, 18:43
I'm new to the forum and would be grateful if you can help me to grade my essay. many thanks.
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The following appeared in a memorandum from the head of a human resources department at a major automobile manufacturing company to the company's managers:
“Studies have found that employees of not-for-profit organizations and charities are often more highly motivated than employees of for-profit corporations to perform well at work when their performance is not being monitored or evaluated. Interviews with employees of not-for-profit organizations suggest that the reason for their greater motivation is the belief that their work helps to improve society. Because they believe in the importance of their work, they have personal reasons to perform well, even when no financial reward is present. Thus, if our corporation began donating a significant portion of its profits to humanitarian causes, our employees’ motivation and productivity would increase substantially and our overall profits would increase as well.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . .etc.
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In a memorandum from the head of a human resources department at a major automobile manufacturing company to the company’s managers, the head of human resources claimed that a big donation made to humanitarian causes would significantly increase employee’s motivation and boost overall profits. By presenting several logical flaws and dubious supports in the memorandum, the author then drew to a far reaching conclusion.
The major tenet of the memorandum is the comparison of motivation demonstrated by employees of non-for-profit organizations and for-profit corporations. However, the comparison has demonstrated a significant logical fallacy - composition and division, in common parlance, comparing apples and oranges. The author failed to present the similarities and differences of these 2 types of business model. For example, if the major automobile manufacturing company has thousands of workers in the factory, are all these workers motivated by the same source as those few interviewed volunteers who devoted for charitable works? The author has drawn to an untenably strong conclusion. The statement could be strengthen should the author provide proven evidence of a survey conducted within the company.
The author has also posted an ambiguous term, the indefinite word “a significant portion of its profit. Clearly, the company will not able to increase its overall profits, if the significant portion of its profit is higher than the additional profit brought by the increased productivity. Again, this conclusion is hyperbolically overstated based on no solid ground.
Whether this memorandum is drafted as a rash assumptions by the head of human resources department, the success of the proposal is questionable due to unconvincing evidence and obvious logical fallacies. The statement could be strengthened by providing clear and distinct data of the company’s employee survey and deeper understanding of correlation between donation and motivation level.