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Correct my TOEFL essay

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Intern
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Correct my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 01 Jun 2014, 10:15
Everyone can send his or her own TOEFL essay and experts can judge the essay and rate it.
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Re: Correct my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 01 Jun 2014, 10:18
Do you agree or disagree?
Young people care about community less now.
TPO 25- Independent Task

In today's world, everyone seeks his or her own success through different ways. By macroscopic view, the people are gathered together in a large community which plays an important role in their life. There are a lot of people who do not recognize how this large structure has an influence on them. Therefore, they do not care about it so much. As far as I am concerned, there are two different views toward this question. Some people think that young people care about their communities as much as they did in the past. While, others believe otherwise. I subscribe to the latter one, and there are several reasons to name. Three of which—that is—there is no understanding of the community's importance, technology makes young people distant from community, and the business of young people prevents them from caring about their environment, are the most conspicuous ones.

The most important point that I am advocating is that nowadays young people cannot understand the importance of their community. As compared to the past, parents pay extra attention to their children now. This satisfies the requirements of young people in some way. For example in the past, everyone was forced to work in farms or in garages to help the family survive. Therefore, they were forced to be in their community. But, everything is provided by the parents now which prevents children from entering their community. Therefore, they do not think that it could be critical to take part in it as an important member and help its success.

The second reason that comes to mind is that technology puts distance between young people and their community. By this I mean in the past every one needed to go out to satisfy his or her own demands. Go shopping, meeting friend, hiking, and etc. were forced children to go out sometimes. On the other hand, young people can go shopping and meet their friend by using the Internet now. Besides, exercise facilities can be provided at home which prevents them from going out for climbing and hiking. Therefore, they cannot interact with elements of the community properly, which could be a motivator for them to participate in the community more than before.

Last but not least, young people are so busy with their tasks which prevent them from participating in the society and community. In the past, young people were surrounded with activities most of which were related to the community. But, in today world, juvenile’s tasks are completely exclusive from the community, and they tend to accomplish them alone.

All in all, to sum up what I outlined above, it is obvious that prevention of young people from entering into the community, their business with their own tasks, and less chance to interact with community members, and several other reasons, are reasons which play an important role in their less attention to the community.
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Re: Correct my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 14 Aug 2018, 05:05
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As we all know, acquiring knowledge has a tremendous influence on students. However, over recent years people have conflicting opinions about whether sports and social activities deserve the same treatment as classes and libraries. As far as I'm concerned, classes and libraries should dominate the expenditure of colleges.

First, classes and libraries benefit almost all students, whereas investment on sports and social activities can only serve a part of students. It is because not every student is keen on sports and social activities but everyone has to learn capability to survive. Furthermore, studying is the duty of students. Francis Bacon, one of the most eminent British philosophers, once remarked, "Knowledge is power." I totally agree with him since his comment discloses that acquiring knowledge is vital to every student. Evidently, classes and libraries will benefit more students.

Second, the consumption of classes and libraries is more than that of sports and social activities. It is due to the cost of education is becoming higher and higher. For instance, scientific research equipment is usually expensive, and universities and colleges must employ authoritative professors to elevate the quality of the classes. Plus, the libraries require to be filled up with quantities of documentations and academic materials. However, holding sports meetings and organizing social activities merely cost a little money compared to classes and libraries.

Admittedly, sports and social activities do require funding, but they are only a small amount. Moreover, they can be supported by commercial companies. Now many universities have associations composed by students. They can pull sponsorship for their daily social activities. The sponsor provide the students funding, and in exchange, student associations advertise for them. For example, our class went to a home party to celebrate the new year. This may be a little expensive for us students. Whereas, since we had got financial support from our sponsor, everybody enjoyed himself for totally free.

In conclusion, universities should allocate more funding on classes and libraries rather than on sports and social activities.
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Re: Correct my TOEFL essay &nbs [#permalink] 14 Aug 2018, 05:05
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