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Could someone please help me grading my AWA ESSAY, Icouldalsogradeyour

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Could someone please help me grading my AWA ESSAY, Icouldalsogradeyour  [#permalink]

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New post 26 Sep 2018, 16:11
Argument: The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing materials. Consider further that the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little about the properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing manager to the sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be the manager of the purchasing department.




The argument of changing the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials with the one in the sales department in order to stop the delays in manufacturing is completely irrational. The statement that follows the cause of the problem doesn´t explain how this is going to solve the problem and leaves a lot of doubts to the reader.

Must conspicuously the writer doesn´t show any arguments to explain how this is going to stop delays in manufacturing. For example, it never mentions how moving a scientist to the purchasing area is going to improve the planning in purchasing materials, this may inconsistent because the cause of the problem may not be necessarily that the manager is doing a poor planning but maybe that the finance department of the company is not sending the purchase area enough money so therefore it is impossible for them to negotiate good terms. Second, the argument never addresses how a scientist is going to improve the terms of purchase materials, it may imply that the scientist knows very well the metals but it doesn´t mention if the scientist has the skills to negotiate with the suppliers and get the best price for these metals. Finally it never mentions how moving the original purchasing manager to the sales area is going to help increase the company´s revenues, like for example if he has any experience in negotiations with potential clients.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely explaining what the company is planning to change , the argument would have been more convincing.

English is not may first language, so any tips would be highly appreciated.

Thank you!
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Re: Could someone please help me grading my AWA ESSAY, Icouldalsogradeyour  [#permalink]

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New post 07 Oct 2018, 01:44
Citing the coincidence of falling revenue of company with the delay in manufacturing which is caused by poor material planning, the author of argument recommends that the company swap the incumbent purchase manager who has great knowledge of business, psychology and sociology but little knowledge about material with scientist in material research department. The author recommendations assumes that person having good knowledge of material science could make great deals and avoid further delay in manufacturing. And this swapping of managers will ultimately turn the trend of revenue in upward direction. At first glance, the argument may seem strong but deep examination of reasoning reveals several flaws which cause the argument specious and fall flat on logical ground.

At first, the author relies on assumptions that the fall of revenue is due to poor planning of material. But there could be other factors such as shift in government policies and tax system, poor sales, low demand of products which are not mentioned by author. And if material planning is only cause of the fall in revenue, the author has not provided the data and facts supporting this assumption. Moreover, the fall of revenue and delay in manufacturing because of poor material panning is just a coincidence which may not repeat in future. The author can reinforce this assumption by providing the statistics and correlation between revenue and material planning.

Secondly, the author believes that a scientist having vital knowledge of material science can do material planning efficiently and effectively and can avert the situation of the falling revenue by keeping the manufacturing of product on time. The author's reasoning is completely hollow without knowing that whatever delay occurred during incumbent purchase manager is due to inability to understand the material science. The author has to clarify the scope of work of purchase manager. If he is not responsible for identification of material structure and he just compiles the list of material required by other technical department or end user and procure the material, he is not guilty for the blames he was imposed. It might be possible that customers have changed their material specifications at last stage of manufacturing, or that transport strike has delayed the material delivery at workshop. Thus, the author has to specify the the role and responsibilities of purchase manager to reach at logical conclusion.

The author recommends that the company swap the purchase manager with material scientist to re-rail the manufacturing schedule and raise the revenue. The author's recommendation is ill-convincing as doing material planning needs business-like mind and networking with supplier and user. Sudden requirement of materials or change in other external factors which are even not in control of purchase manager could go out of hand of scientist. If scientist is acquainted with all material planning procedures and expert in dealing with materials, probably, then this shift can add value to organization, otherwise this swapping can plummet the revenue more.

In summary, the author has left myriad loop holes in his argument, creating a unconvincing and hard to believe argument. Had the author mentioned the trend of revenue with delay in material planning, role of purchase manager, and the capabilities of scientist, and other factors which can affect the manufacturing schedule, the argument would have been logically sound and conclusive.
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Re: Could someone please help me grading my AWA ESSAY, Icouldalsogradeyour &nbs [#permalink] 07 Oct 2018, 01:44
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