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Essay, please review. Thank you!

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Intern
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Joined: 15 Jan 2018
Posts: 10
Location: Romania
Concentration: Technology, Marketing
Essay, please review. Thank you! [#permalink]

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New post 23 Jan 2018, 04:37
Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful.
What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



During the last century, the technology has known a strong evolution, making our existence more comfortable. One of the biggest inventions is the computer, which is utilized daily by billions of people. There are various opinions about the advantages and disadvantages that this machinery brought to us. I consider that this device made our life easier and more convenient, not more complicated and more tough. I feel these way for two reasons, which I will explain in the next lines.

Firstly, computers are the greatest invention of all time, because they have multitasking features that accelerate and diminish the time allocated to fulfill a job. It is a tool that can be easily used in every domain: research, medical system, entertainment, industries, education, entrepreneurship and so forth. I think that it improves considerably the activity of a company/field, helping for faster favorable outcomes. For instance, the justice department is now able to create data-basis that contains records of criminals and outlaws. Their fingerprints and pictures can be accessed by all the police stations within a country, making the identification process simpler and faster. In the past, police had to analyze the fingerprints of a suspect for days or months, but now it takes only a few minutes. Also facial recognition is a highly used service to check the identity of a person.

Secondly, computers are not used only by firms and corporations, but also by normal people. The price of a computer is quite convenient, so almost everybody can purchase one. Every individual can use it for personal activities such us shopping, studying, socializing with people all around the world, playing games, watching videos and so on. I really take advantages of using online services, especially when it comes for paying bills. If in the past I had to go to many different places, waiting in endless queues and wasting precious time in order to make payment for my bills, now I am able to do from home, while watching television or enjoying a cup of coffee.

These being said, I strongly believe that the computer really has changed people's live in a positive way, giving us the chance to have a more qualitative live.

Last edited by Elenacristina on 23 Jan 2018, 23:53, edited 1 time in total.
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Intern
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S
Joined: 19 Jun 2017
Posts: 33
Location: Armenia
Concentration: Entrepreneurship, Economics
GMAT 1: 760 Q51 V46
GPA: 4
CAT Tests
Re: Essay, please review. Thank you! [#permalink]

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New post 23 Jan 2018, 04:47
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Elenacristina wrote:
Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful.
What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



During the last century, the technology has known a strong evolution, making our existence more comfortable. One of the biggest inventions is the computer, which is utilized daily by billions of people. There are various opinions about the advantages and disadvantages that this machinery has brought to us. I consider that computers have made our lifes easier and more convenient, more complicated and more tough(redundant). I feel this way for the following reasons. two reasons, which I will expose in the next lines. (redundant)

Firstly, computers are the greatest invention of all time, because they have multitasking features that accelerate and diminish the time allocated to fulfill a job. It is a tool that can be easily used in every domain: research, medical system, entertainment, industries, education, entrepreneurship and so forth. I think that it improves considerably the activity of a company/field, helping to to achieve faster favorable outcomes. For instance, the justice department is now able to create data-basis that contains records of criminals and outlaws. Their fingerprints and pictures can be accessed by all the police stations within a country, making the identification process simpler and faster. In the past, police had to analyze the fingerprints of a suspect for days or months, but now it takes only a few minutes. Also facial recognition is a highly used service to check the identity of a person.

Secondly, computers are not used only by firms and corporations, but also by normal people. The price of a computer is quite convenient, so almost everybody can purchase one. Every individual can use it for personal activities such us shopping, studying, socializing with people all around the world, playing games, watching videos and so on. I really take advantages of using online services, especially when it comes to paying bills. If in the past I had to go to many different places, waiting in endless queues and wasting precious time in order to makea payment for my bills, now I am able to do it from home, while watching television or enjoying a cup of coffee.

This being said, I strongly believe that the computer really has changed people's live in a positive way, giving us the chance to enjoy a higher quality of life (sounds better to me) . have a more qualitative live.


---------------------------------------

Kudos for appreciation :angel: :angel: :angel:
1 KUDOS received
Intern
Intern
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S
Joined: 19 Jun 2017
Posts: 33
Location: Armenia
Concentration: Entrepreneurship, Economics
GMAT 1: 760 Q51 V46
GPA: 4
CAT Tests
Re: Essay, please review. Thank you! [#permalink]

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New post 23 Jan 2018, 05:04
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AniK97 wrote:
Elenacristina wrote:
Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful.
What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



During the last century, the technology has known a strong evolution, making our existence more comfortable. One of the biggest inventions is the computer, which is utilized daily by billions of people. There are various opinions about the advantages and disadvantages that this machinery has brought to us. I consider that computers have made our lifes easier and more convenient, more complicated and more tough(redundant). I feel this way for the following reasons. two reasons, which I will expose in the next lines. (redundant)

Firstly, computers are the greatest invention of all time, because they have multitasking features that accelerate and diminish the time allocated to fulfill a job. It is a tool that can be easily used in every domain: research, medical system, entertainment, industries, education, entrepreneurship and so forth. I think that it improves considerably the activity of a company/field, helping to to achieve faster favorable outcomes. For instance, the justice department is now able to create data-basis that contains records of criminals and outlaws. Their fingerprints and pictures can be accessed by all the police stations within a country, making the identification process simpler and faster. In the past, police had to analyze the fingerprints of a suspect for days or months, but now it takes only a few minutes. Also facial recognition is a highly used service to check the identity of a person.

Secondly, computers are not used only by firms and corporations, but also by normal people. The price of a computer is quite convenient, so almost everybody can purchase one. Every individual can use it for personal activities such us shopping, studying, socializing with people all around the world, playing games, watching videos and so on. I really take advantages of using online services, especially when it comes to paying bills. If in the past I had to go to many different places, waiting in endless queues and wasting precious time in order to makea payment for my bills, now I am able to do it from home, while watching television or enjoying a cup of coffee.

This being said, I strongly believe that the computer really has changed people's live in a positive way, giving us the chance to enjoy a higher quality of life (sounds better to me) . have a more qualitative live.


I have highlighted some of the parts that did not sound quite convincing to me. You can consider changing those. All in all I would advise you to pay attention to redundancies in your essays. Try not to repeat yourself. Also, overal it is quite good, the grammar and the structure are on point. Just try to review some idioms and other gramatical structures to sound more sophisticated and elaborate.
---------------------------------------

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Intern
Intern
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Joined: 15 Jan 2018
Posts: 10
Location: Romania
Concentration: Technology, Marketing
Re: Essay, please review. Thank you! [#permalink]

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New post 23 Jan 2018, 05:21
Thank you very much!
Re: Essay, please review. Thank you!   [#permalink] 23 Jan 2018, 05:21
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Essay, please review. Thank you!

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