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01 Dec 2013, 06:24
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Hi,
I was looking for some feedback on the essay that I wrote for one of my practice tests. I went through few templates on the GMAT club's forums and wanted to know if I'm on the right track. How would you rate the essay ?
Would really appreciate any help I can get in evaluating this. Thanks !
***************************************Question ***************************************
The following appeared in a trade publication for the insurance industry:
“Each generation of Americans has lived longer that the ones preceding it, as the national life expectancy has approached 80 years old in recent years. The progress of medical technology shows no sign of abating. Therefore, we can confidently predict that most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
*********************************ESSAY*********************************
The author claims that each generation of Americans has lived longer than the ones preceding it. He confidently predicts that since the medical technology is improving, most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety. While the argument certainly has merit, it is unsubstantiated and faulty due to lack of evidence, weak assumptions and vague terminology.
Firstly, the author claims that the children born in the next decade in America will live past the age of ninety. However, there is no evidence to suggest that this will happen. Even if the the national life expectancy is assumed to increase, there is no evidence to suggest that it will increase by 10 years. The author can strengthen this by stating that the national life expectancy has grown at a rate greater than 10 years per decade for the past century.
Secondly, the author assumes that the progress of medical technology is directly correlated with the increase in life expectancy. However, this assumption is weak as there is nothing in the argument to suggest this. The claim is flawed because the medical technology might not be available to everyone or it might not provide cure for previously incurable diseases and thus will not result in higher national life expectancy. The author can strengthen this by stating that progress in medical technology will mean cheaper access to medical services and the cure of certain previously incurable diseases and thus will lead to higher national life expectancy.
Thirdly, the author uses vague terminology to suggest that most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety. However, there is no clarity on who the author is referring to. The author can strengthen this by stating that 90% of the children born in America or all the children whose parents have access to medical services will live past ninety years.
In conclusion, the argument definitely has merit but as it stands is faulty and unsubstantiated. However, the author can strengthen the argument by providing evidence, backing up the assumptions with facts and using clear terminology.
I was looking for some feedback on the essay that I wrote for one of my practice tests. I went through few templates on the GMAT club's forums and wanted to know if I'm on the right track. How would you rate the essay ?
Would really appreciate any help I can get in evaluating this. Thanks !
***************************************Question ***************************************
The following appeared in a trade publication for the insurance industry:
“Each generation of Americans has lived longer that the ones preceding it, as the national life expectancy has approached 80 years old in recent years. The progress of medical technology shows no sign of abating. Therefore, we can confidently predict that most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
*********************************ESSAY*********************************
The author claims that each generation of Americans has lived longer than the ones preceding it. He confidently predicts that since the medical technology is improving, most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety. While the argument certainly has merit, it is unsubstantiated and faulty due to lack of evidence, weak assumptions and vague terminology.
Firstly, the author claims that the children born in the next decade in America will live past the age of ninety. However, there is no evidence to suggest that this will happen. Even if the the national life expectancy is assumed to increase, there is no evidence to suggest that it will increase by 10 years. The author can strengthen this by stating that the national life expectancy has grown at a rate greater than 10 years per decade for the past century.
Secondly, the author assumes that the progress of medical technology is directly correlated with the increase in life expectancy. However, this assumption is weak as there is nothing in the argument to suggest this. The claim is flawed because the medical technology might not be available to everyone or it might not provide cure for previously incurable diseases and thus will not result in higher national life expectancy. The author can strengthen this by stating that progress in medical technology will mean cheaper access to medical services and the cure of certain previously incurable diseases and thus will lead to higher national life expectancy.
Thirdly, the author uses vague terminology to suggest that most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety. However, there is no clarity on who the author is referring to. The author can strengthen this by stating that 90% of the children born in America or all the children whose parents have access to medical services will live past ninety years.
In conclusion, the argument definitely has merit but as it stands is faulty and unsubstantiated. However, the author can strengthen the argument by providing evidence, backing up the assumptions with facts and using clear terminology.
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