Would really appreciate any feedback on the sorts of essays I'm writing now:
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The following appeared in a memorandum from the director of research and development at Ready-to-Ware, a software engineering firm.
The package of benefits and incentives that Ready-to-Ware offers to professional staff is too costly. Our quarterly profits have declined since the package was introduced two years ago, at the time of our incorporation. Moreover, the package had little positive effect, as we have had only marginal success in recruiting and training high-quality professional staff. To become more profitable again, Ready-to-Ware should, therefore, offer the reduced benefits package that was in place two years ago and use the savings to fund our current research and development initiatives.
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The R&D director of Ready-To-Ware makes the case that their current compensation package offerred to staff is too costly, and that it shoud be reduced with the resulting savings directed to fund her department instead. The argument however, as the following paragraphs will show, is ultimately unconvincing as it relies on ambiguous claims, sweeping conclusions and misses presenting crucial data needed to evaluate it.
The memo begins by citing reduced quarterly profits since the introduction of the current package, as evidence of the failure of that package. In doing so, the author equates correlation to causality - attributing the change in profit to a single change in the company. Of course profit is sensitive to many factors, and the decline may have nothing to do with compensation. For all we know, Ready-To-Ware may be investing in growth, allowing profits to temporarily reduce in order to reach a wider market.
The author also claims that the package has had little positive effect, claiing that there has only been marginal success in recruiting and training staff. The reader is left to speculate as to what is meant by "marginal success". It could for instance be the author's own estimation. Or perhaps, it could refer to a comparison between current staff quality metrics and those with the reduced package - but even in that case, given that the change was made "at the time of .. incorporation" it is not clear if a sufficiently large sampe could've been collected, and whether other changing factors, such as the company's repuation with declining profits, may have played a role in staff quality. Such details would be important for the reader to evaluate this claim, however they are conspicuously omitted.
Finally, even if the reader were to agree that compensation should be cut, no support whatsoever is provided for the claim that R&D would be a fruitful investment for the savings, if there are any. The R&D director would presumably have access to information and data related to the performance of the R&D division, and such data if positive would enormously strengthen the case. However, this too is suspiciously missing.
In conclusion, the argument in its current form fails to persuade the read to pursue the course of action it reccommends. Had it presented clear relevant data, and included a broader analysis, its case would have been strengthened.