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HELP NEEDED! Please review my Master Statement of Purpose

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HELP NEEDED! Please review my Master Statement of Purpose [#permalink]

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New post 08 Mar 2016, 15:11
English isn't my first language and I'm very bad at writing professional essays.
Please correct my grammars !!!! and throw out whatever opinions you have for this essay.
THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!

Looking back, I appreciate the big influence my father has had on my career path. My interest in accounting was strengthened by my father’s high professionalism standards. He is a CFO that holds a Certified Public Accountant qualification. Growing up and watching him work, I would get curious and ask about his works. However, my father insisted that accounting was too complicated for me to understand. This notion changed when I decided to get into accounting after noticing my unending desire to understand his works. My father inspired me into accounting.
My first hands-on experience of working in accounting field happened in 2012, after graduating from college. It was a few months’ experience but my personal interests to this career grew tremendously. Joining University of XXX to study accounting in 2013 was therefore a dream come true and a key factor for me in my journey to becoming an accountant.
I graduated in 2015 and besides the classroom knowledge of accounting, I also managed to get other experiences in different working environments which equipped me with skills that are beneficial to my career. During the first year in XXX, I was discouraged for the fact that I considered myself lacked of willpower and ability to succeed in the accounting field. It was life-changing when I was accepted to be a Teaching Assistant for Managerial Accounting. The professor predicted my potentials even though my mind was full of negativities. Her belief in me encouraged me and made me a better person. I was be able to be more confidents and aim higher toward to my career by breaking down my doubts to think positively.
Within the same year, I was offered to be the Co-Director in Finance Department of XXXX from XXX. Later on, I received my first internship offer through XXX internship program and was be able to transit from an intern to a full-time accountant position right after I graduated, in which I had the opportunity to familiarize myself with a variety of accounting specialties. My enthusiasm in accounting has been at highest peak ever since.
I enjoyed identifying unexpected problems and digging into the detail until everything reveals. Therefore, my main short-term goals for my career is to move up from accountant to assistant controller in which I will be expected to analyze unexpected problems and make partial decisions on my own. My long-term goal is to pass my CPA exam after my Master in XXX then move into Consulting. I hope to bring my knowledges in helping others on their financial issues. Being an alumni from XXX, I know for a fact that the faculties of XXX will place students’ intellectual growth at first. Thus, I believed that gaining a Master in XXX will be helpful with my career in a long run.

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Re: HELP NEEDED! Please review my Master Statement of Purpose [#permalink]

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New post 09 Mar 2016, 01:34
Thanks for sharing your statement.

Just a few general thoughts, it would be more interesting if you provide details such as the specific industry your father worked in, how he contributed to the company as a CFO, making it easier for people to understand why he inspired you so much.

You can also identify the specific "potentials" your professor saw in you, and what accounting specialities you familiarized yourself with and why this made you enthusiastic about accounting. Adding details to these and other parts would help make the statement more personal, authentic, and compelling.

Hope this helps!
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Re: HELP NEEDED! Please review my Master Statement of Purpose [#permalink]

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New post 09 Mar 2016, 14:14
VeritasPrepEdison wrote:
Thanks for sharing your statement.

Just a few general thoughts, it would be more interesting if you provide details such as the specific industry your father worked in, how he contributed to the company as a CFO, making it easier for people to understand why he inspired you so much.

You can also identify the specific "potentials" your professor saw in you, and what accounting specialities you familiarized yourself with and why this made you enthusiastic about accounting. Adding details to these and other parts would help make the statement more personal, authentic, and compelling.

Hope this helps!



THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR FEEDBACK!!

I don't know if I should included those details since I also need to upload my resume to school...

Please advise,

Thank you!

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Re: HELP NEEDED! Please review my Master Statement of Purpose   [#permalink] 09 Mar 2016, 14:14
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HELP NEEDED! Please review my Master Statement of Purpose

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