AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 5.5
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and connectivity. The ideas are organized logically and flow smoothly from one point to the next. The essay effectively introduces the argument, presents counterpoints, and concludes with a summary. However, there are a few instances where sentence transitions could be improved for better connectivity.
Word structure: 6
The essay utilizes a varied and appropriate word structure. The sentences are well-constructed, and the vocabulary is clear and concise. There are no major issues with word usage or sentence structure.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5.5
The essay consists of well-formed paragraphs that focus on specific aspects of the argument. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and contains supporting details and examples. However, there could be more development within paragraphs to provide further analysis and strengthen the points being made.
Language and Grammar: 6
The language used in the essay is formal and appropriate for an analytical writing assessment. The grammar is accurate, and there are no significant errors that impede comprehension. The essay effectively communicates the author's ideas and arguments.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5.5
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and word expression. The author uses a variety of words and phrases to convey their points effectively. However, there is room for improvement in terms of incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Overall, the essay shows a strong command of language and effectively analyzes the given argument. The essay could benefit from further development and refinement in certain areas to enhance coherence, paragraph structure, and vocabulary usage.
jim441 wrote:
The following appeared in an article in a health–and–fitness magazine:
“Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health.”
Essay:
The argument claims that Compared to tap water, Saluda Natural Spring Water is excellent, and, hence, drinking Saluda Water would be a wise investment in good health. The conclusion of the argument is based on the premises that Saluda Spring Water contains several nminerals and that people of Saluda town are hospitalized less frequently. The conclusion of the argument relies on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument has made a fraudulent assumption that drinking Saluda water is the sole reason for good health of the people of Saluda town. It is quite possible that some other reasons such as good and hyginic habits, availabilty of healthy food or regular exercise are the factors responsible for good health of these people. Moreover, it could be the case that residents of this town don't at all drink the water from Saluda Natural Spring and relie on some other source of water. So, in order to eliminate the alternate cases, more research should be conducted.
Second, the argument has mentioned that Saluda Spring Water has several minerals and is completely free from bacteria. However, it is possible that bottling process of Saluda Water is not all good and, hence, could led to contamination of bottled Saluda water. Furthermore, no scientific data has been presented by the author to eliminate the case that the bottled Saluda Water is safe for consumption. So, in order to properly conclude the argument, more research should be conducted.
Finally, the argument has stated that residents of Saluda town are hospialized less frequently. However, it is possible that Saluda water has high percentage of such contaminants as heavy minerals, fungi or viruses that could led to water born diseases. There is also a chance that such diseases don't required any hospitilization, and over the counter medications are enough for the treatment of such diseases. In such an instance, the consumption of Saluda water won't be ideal.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons and is thus unconvincing. Based on the given premises, it can't be concluded that consumption of Saluda Spring Water would be a wise investment in good health. Without any further knowledge and data, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open for debate.